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Erubus wrote on 2010-10-17 15:11
Its been awhile since I've actually written so, like last time, criticism is welcome
As I lie asleep
melodies appear in darkened dreams
all are not clear
some as dark as her soul
songs of mind and soul
songs of love and hate
the songs of an everlasting struggle
a man and his whimsical heart
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Chinaboy475 wrote on 2010-10-17 15:35
nice :D
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Erubus wrote on 2010-10-17 15:53
thanks x3
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Phunkie wrote on 2010-10-18 02:43
Nice!
I remember I posted a poem here once and everyone was like, "WHAT IS THIS. POEMS ARE GAY."
But I like yours. :) And I do love poetry.
The last two stanzas are my favorite, as I can relate.
the songs of an everlasting struggle
a man and his whimsical heart
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Erubus wrote on 2010-10-18 03:09
i had posted like 2 others ive written here o.o Bankai had one in his signature too lol
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Kazuni wrote on 2010-10-18 04:15
It's really nice, but I just don't like how the word "heart" appears twice in the poem, and both at the ends of lines.
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Erubus wrote on 2010-10-18 04:21
Yea i couldnt think of anything else to go into the first spot where heart first shows up D;
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Kazuni wrote on 2010-10-18 04:58
Quote from Erubus;186943:
Yea i couldnt think of anything else to go into the first spot where heart first shows up D;
Soul?
There are a few that I can think of but they're kinda different from the original idea.
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Erubus wrote on 2010-10-18 20:15
Hm that works too, but when i was writing it after a mid-term i couldn't think of anything else at the time cause i was tired and fixing to take a nap x3
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Time wrote on 2010-10-18 21:40
I like it, poetry is fun!
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Athde wrote on 2010-10-18 23:18
I like Haikus more, but good poem is good 7/10
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Erubus wrote on 2010-10-19 01:12
may i ask why 7/10? x3 i like to know what i didnt do so good on