"You don't need a lover..."

• Cucurbita wrote on 2010-11-27 07:53
  Had 2 relationships so far, 20 years old.
  
  Both lasted over a year. One lasting 3 years.
  
  Currently not interested in finding a lover as I plan on doing a bit of relocating over the next few years. See I don't seek temporary self satisfaction and happiness from relationships. If I need to connect with people I hang out with friends. Intimacy with people you switch off after a short period of time isn't love, its just fulfilling your crushes for gratification of your social status and suggests you get off on drama.
  
  Sure, going out with someone you really like is okay, but if you're 16 and you have to think about how many people you've dated, maybe you should hold yourself back next time and think it through.
  
  Dating is srs business. Of course it needs to be a fun experience, but you make it sound like you need the experience, not the person.
  
  I'll keep myself closed off until I find a more permanent city of residence. I keep jumping places because of how my life is, and I'd rather not start a relationship just for the purpose of enjoying myself if I have to cut it off later.
• Kazuni wrote on 2010-11-27 08:09

  Quote from Cynic;230110:

  Doesn't mean I've slept with them all. =P Or anyone, for that matter.
  Everyone back in the day dated everyone, trust me. Not everyone is as intelligent emotion-wise as most people are. Me? I did it for the heck of it when I was a kid, too.
  Otherwise, it was because I liked the affection. That isn't a crime. I do feel bad for the people I hurt because of it, but during that time we were happy. That was all that matters.
  I don't see what's wrong with dating a lot of people if you actually like them, or are 'infatuated' with them for a short amount of time. Young people do that.
  I could have been worse, lord knows.

  
  
  Oh I agree with this.
• Adelynn wrote on 2010-11-27 15:42
  20 and in 2 relationships. Currently on my second and enjoying it greatly.
  
  I do think you need a best friend in a partner though. It makes the relationship more solid, not just about the initial butterflies, etc. Those remain, yes, but that's not the only thing I want my relationship to be.
  
  I don't feel like writing something long right now so I'll just leave it at that.
• Cucurbita wrote on 2010-11-27 16:21

  Quote from Adelynn;230404:

  
  I do think you need a best friend in a partner though. It makes the relationship more solid, not just about the initial butterflies, etc. Those remain, yes, but that's not the only thing I want my relationship to be.

  
  
  This. Your date should also be a "best friend" type of person. Otherwise chances of the relationship lasting is slim. And when you break up, if you were on really good terms with the person, it doesn't have to be a bad one. I'm on great terms with both my ex and we still hang out.
• TA wrote on 2010-11-27 16:35
  You don't need to date "best friend" types for it to last. I never would have been best friends with some of the people I dated for very long times. Probably not even friends, at least not good ones.
  
  Some people look for different things in relationships, and not everyone wants a friend with bonuses.
• Cucurbita wrote on 2010-11-27 17:49

  Quote from Tasha;230424:

  You don't need to date "best friend" types for it to last. I never would have been best friends with some of the people I dated for very long times. Probably not even friends, at least not good ones.
  
  Some people look for different things in relationships, and not everyone wants a friend with bonuses.

  
  
  How can you be comfortable dating someone who isn't a close friend?
  
  Maybe its just me, but if we can't hang out as friends, we probably won't make it as a couple. What are we gonna do, watch a movie? What next? If your interests don't match then you find yourself in a situation where you hold each other back.
  
  I had plenty of girls whom I had a crush on, and were on great terms with. But if we dated I know it wouldn't have ended well. On the other hand I dated someone who was absolutely fanatical about mysteries ranging from Holmes to Detective Conan. We could converse all day if we wanted to, and find plenty of activities we both enjoyed.
  
  Suppose you're right in that everyone dates for different reasons, but having seen so many people who just date for a few weeks and the go find a new person to date, and having seen how much drama they suck up all the time, I don't want to be a part of it. I know what "having that feeling" of dating someone is like, and its really great to have someone to have affection for, but I'd rather not have it for an artificial temporary pleasure to the point where I have "countless dates".
  
  Note that I am not including "sex" in any of this. I'm a virgin anyways.
• TA wrote on 2010-11-27 17:52
  Sex is a pretty big part of it.
• Cucurbita wrote on 2010-11-27 17:54

  Quote from Tasha;230451:

  Sex is a pretty big part of it.

  
  
  Not saying it isn't, I'm just covering the nonsexual part of the discussion.
• BobYoMeowMeow wrote on 2010-11-27 19:34
  The cat thought Kitae had only 1 relationship owo
  btw related to subject
  [video=youtube;8_GZOIMckXs]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_GZOIMckXs[/video]
• Phunkie wrote on 2010-11-27 22:55

  Quote from Tasha;230424:

  You don't need to date "best friend" types for it to last. I never would have been best friends with some of the people I dated for very long times. Probably not even friends, at least not good ones.
  
  Some people look for different things in relationships, and not everyone wants a friend with bonuses.

  
  
  How can you date someone you wouldn't even be friends with IRL? That doesn't make sense.
  
  That's not a good relationship IMO.
• Tokiko wrote on 2010-11-28 00:09

  Quote from Cynic;230110:

  Everyone back in the day dated everyone, trust me. Not everyone is as intelligent emotion-wise as most people are. Me? I did it for the heck of it when I was a kid, too.
  

  
  Not me.
  16 and only had one relationship.
  Not cause I'm ugly or a jerk (cause I'm not :o)
  But only cause if I'm dating someone at least have to know them better and I don't date people for a short amount of time either.If I date them I would want to make it as long as I can because if I do it for a short amount of time what's the point of even being with the person in the first place?
  Also you're still 16, you're still a kid.
• mocharate wrote on 2010-11-28 22:41

  Quote from Phunkie;229462:

  You Don't Need a Lover... | RockstarJuiceNStarburst on Xanga
  
  I read this and I absolutely loved it.
  
  Just wanted to share it.
  
  Good morning!

  
  
  Cool story.
  
  I told basically the same thing to one of my significant others once. I thought I was being honest and human. "It doesn't matter if we're lovers or not, that's not what people need in their lives. They need a friend, a reciprocal relationship... someone to love, which doesn't automatically mean "lover." "
  
  And then they broke up with me :lol:
  
  ...
  
  ohgosh :gloom2:
• PandaSong wrote on 2010-11-30 19:21
  D: It always seems to me like people tend to fall in love with the idea of love, not with the people themselves. And it frustrates me so much when someone around the age of 16-20 start talking like their life is over because "no one loves them that way". It's like once you hit 20 your life is basically over? D: Now doesn't that make you feel old!
  
  As for me~ lol. I'm more the type where friends are more important. I love my friends. :D Of course, if I actually find someone then that'd be awesome. If I don't, I might be lonely every now and then but I definitely won't let it get me down.
• Phunkie wrote on 2010-12-01 14:08
  True love is being able to walk into the bathroom while your significant other is taking a crap and not being like, OMG EWWWW or OMG SO EMBARRASSING.
• Cucurbita wrote on 2010-12-01 17:32

  Quote from Phunkie;234278:

  True love is being able to walk into the bathroom while your significant other is taking a crap and not being like, OMG EWWWW or OMG SO EMBARRASSING.

  
  
  lol awesome.