The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

• Mama wrote on 2011-01-08 00:19

  Quote from Phunkie;280888:

  Oh Mama, you are so motherly and such a beautiful person.
  
  I wish I could rep you again.

  
  
  aww.. that's very sweet of you to say...
  
  It's a bit of an emotional topic for me because I have lost my brother this way, but spend more time consoling my parents rather than myself. They didn't deserve to lose their son, and my brother did not deserve to die. I wish i saw it sooner. It motivates me to study psychology and hopefully save people from an aftermath that honestly never needs to be.
• TA wrote on 2011-01-08 00:21
  Holy...... wow that's long.
  
  Gonna have to read all that later.
  
  edit: I lose attention a little over half way through... he just seems whiny and needed some serious help. Like hardcore therapy, rather than just bottling it up and dealing with it on his own.
• Navy wrote on 2011-01-08 01:10
  ..his writing..
  he reminds me of an older version of myself..
  
  

  People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two.

  
  I thought this way, **** I still think this way...
  
  
  Rest in peace Bill Zeller
  
  

  Quote from Phunkie;280717:

  That's how I feel.
  
  But hey, what if you're dying (literally) from a disease and you wanna end the suffering? Medical-assisted suicide, what do you think of it?
  
  However, I don't and will never agree with someone killing themselves over breaking up with someone. Had this man killed himself because the love of his life left him, I would have told him to man up. But it was way more serious than that. Though we shouldn't let bad things get to us. But that's just my opinion.
  
  If I ever got raped, I think I would have the strength to move forward and past that. It would probably be hard, but I don't think I'd give up. Because I have recognized the beauty of live and I live for it. He, at the other hand, lived his whole life like this. He didn't know how wonderful life was.
  
  It's unfortunate.

  
  
  you think
  it dwells on you
  it never goes away you could be a sex addict and be raped and it leave you emotionally scarred
  especially being a child and being penetrated by an adult..
  not only extremely painful but it leaves you feeling worthless
  someone used you, hurt you.. forced you to do something you didn't have any clue existed
  I feel for him though because he dealt with this more than once
  going to councilors and therapists only put bandages over the problem it's not really something you can just get over and move on from.
• Phunkie wrote on 2011-01-08 02:43
  Yes, I could become scarred.
  
  But I have already tasted what happiness is. If my mother died tomorrow, if I got raped tomorrow, of course I would suffer, but I would move on eventually, because I know what it is to be happy and no one can take that away from me.
  
  Had I never known what happiness is, perhaps I would dwell on such incident forever. I would let it take over my mind. But like I said, I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and if there were something that blocked that light from me--even for an instant--I would find a way to break through the obstacle.
  
  I have given up completely on life before (not suicide, just mild depression) and I don't wanna be there again. I would move forward. It would be hard, but I would find the strength within me to do it. Because I know I can do it.
  
  No one can take away my happiness, except for myself. I give no one the power to do that.
  
  I just wish everyone was that hopeful.
• Andy-Buddy wrote on 2011-01-08 03:00

  Quote from Phunkie;281145:

  Yes, I could become scarred.
  
  But I have already tasted what happiness is. If my mother died tomorrow, if I got raped tomorrow, of course I would suffer, but I would move on eventually, because I know what it is to be happy and no one can take that away from me.
  
  Had I never known what happiness is, perhaps I would dwell on such incident forever. I would let it take over my mind. But like I said, I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and if there were something that blocked that light from me--even for an instant--I would find a way to break through the obstacle.
  
  I have given up completely on life before (not suicide, just mild depression) and I don't wanna be there again. I would move forward. It would be hard, but I would find the strength within me to do it. Because I know I can do it.
  
  No one can take away my happiness, except for myself. I give no one the power to do that.
  
  I just wish everyone was that hopeful.

  
  
  But he was started off wrong. He was never on the right path to gain an understanding of why he should live.
  
  Ever since the start, he was scarred mentally. He was unable to cope, unable to make friends, being a social outcast.
  
  Though he seems like he had his life together, he feels it was a shamble, something just thrown together because he could, not because he enjoyed his work/life. From the start, he felt his life was hopeless, and it only deepened to this point now.
  
  Edit: It's as if you're saying "If my mother died yesterday (or in the past), I can guarantee I would be okay today."
• Phunkie wrote on 2011-01-08 04:11
  Yup, I said that in a previous post. He never knew what was so beautiful about life.
• Roy Mustang wrote on 2011-01-10 14:23
  Well I managed to read through like 30% of it. I would read more but I have to head out soon.
  
  Anyways, from what I can see, whoever this Rapist is...I'm assuming it's a Male because he keeps referring to the darkness as a guy, needs to be grabbed by the neck, dragged to a cliff, and chucked over.
  
  It's sickening how a Rapist can ruin a person's entire life. The scum of society.
  
  It's a shame he couldn't try some therapy to escape his "darkness", it might have helped him.
• Adelynn wrote on 2011-01-10 18:49
  I wish he had said who it was, because there is a chance that his life was not the only one ruined. He states why he didn't want to and I understand that, but I feel like it could have helped someone. I feel like if I was raped, I'd feel something akin to this, even if it isn't to the same degree. I've lived life for enough time to know that eventually I'd be able to pull through, but he probably didn't. I have people I can trust to help me, and he didn't. That was one of the most saddening things about what I read. I can only wonder what he would have been like if this hadn't happened to him.