So I intend to use this thread to post different things I write as I take writing back up again xD;
Things will vary from short stories, to poems, to just random drabbles. I might even take the time to write longer more detailed pieces if I feel like it.
Until then =D going to start off this thread with a short story titled Sincerely, Maria and yes it is backwards. Most of my writing is told backwards unless it's a longer piece.
[SPOILER="Spoiler"][SIZE="3"]Sincerely, Maria[/SIZE]
You said you’d never let me go
I stared down at your resting place silently that day.
I was never good with emotions Michelle, so please understand why I didn’t cry in such an exposed place.
What I felt for you was love, perhaps it was a simple friendship to you…perhaps you didn’t feel the same as me…perhaps we never reached each other.
As I left your grave I tossed the now frayed and worn necklace backwards, not bothering to look back to see if it even landed on your spot.
My neck felt lighter walking away.
When I got home that day, I broke down and I ran back as fast as I could to the spot where the necklace should have been.
I searched desperately in the dirt for hours, until I ended up lying down on top of your grave sobbing.
I can’t remember how many times I whispered how sorry I was to you.
I laid under the starlight with you all night, my eyes fixated on the stars, whispering lies of how I was going to be just fine without you.
In the back of my mind I couldn’t shake one feeling however.
The feeling of how empty my hand felt.
Protect me from the lies untrue
At your funeral they had white roses, which were entirely unfitting I might add.
You deserved a color that shines far brighter.
I don’t believe such a color exists.
There weren’t many people at the service you know. Your mom was there though, in the church she was sitting in a bench across from me with a stoic appearance, she didn’t cry once.
Did she really love you?
You always insisted to me how much she loved you; you defended her from any criticism. You placed her on such a high up pedestal that not even I could convince you otherwise about your feelings towards her.
Why did you have so much faith in such a horrible person...Michelle?
I loved you more than she did.
Why did you leave me for her?
As the earth turned to snow, your hand disappeared from view
After I found you crying in the bathroom a week passed without hearing anything from you.
My pride prevented me that week from calling you at first.
I figured you were busy with your new life and this was just a sign there wasn’t space for an old friend such as myself anymore.
You had new, more deserving, nicer friends to be with now, ones who made you happier than I ever could is what I assumed.
On the 8th day, which I find ironic now by the way, being that eight is your favorite number since it looks like an infinity symbol when put on its side, I called your house.
It was during that call I learned that you had killed yourself just two days earlier.
What happened after that day is blurry in my memory now. I went into shock, I didn’t even respond to your mother who broke the news to me, I dropped the phone and stumbled emotionlessly through my house.
How I made it to the bathroom and sat down in the empty tub I can’t even recall.
It was there I sobbed for hours into my knees to the point where I felt I was going to die from a lack of air.
The truth is...I didn’t mind that feeling.
I wanted to die.
I know you would slap me if you were here still Michelle, if you knew the truth.
Hypocrite.
Where it went I couldn’t tell, I dangled from a cliff I never knew
I found you sobbing in the school bathroom a month after I had transferred, the day before thanksgiving break.
I ran out quickly hoping you didn’t see me, I was never good with helping people, if you had seen me I’m sure I would have been at a loss of words at how to comfort you.
Your crying face with eyes full of hurt meeting mine, would have left me breathless unable to form words.
Or maybe I’m just a spiteful coward.
Into winter’s abyss I fell
That morning in my mind you were my Michelle, the girl I cherished, the girl who saved me and the girl I wanted all to myself.
I realized by the end of the day as you became more and more distracted by your new friends, with less attention focused on me that you were no longer my Michelle but rather everyone’s.
I was jealous.
Even while you held my hand lying in the grass of your mother’s backyard that same night, the smell of barbeque on the grill, Capri Sun pouches littering the ground next to us, even as we laughed and smiled at each other genuinely, deep in my heart I was jealous.
Where the light is gone, and the sound is dead
I barley recognized you after moving to the town and seeing you at school for the first time.
We knew it was each other though despite our changes in appearance thanks to the necklaces.
I held back tears until I got home that night, bittersweet tears I didn’t want you to see.
Knowing you still wore your necklace gave me renewed hope that you really did care for me, that you didn’t forget me.
You hugged me so tightly; the vanilla smell of your strawberry blonde hair calmed all my senses as I melted into your embrace.
I didn’t want to let go.
All I could think of as we walked together from class to class, talking about what happened during our time away from each other, was about our future together.
My voice the sad song of a forgotten bell
When I found out I was moving to your area, I didn’t know how to react.
I simply feigned a smile and nodded to my grandparents when they asked me at dinner if I was excited the night before the move.
I fell asleep that night gripping my necklace tightly; it was as though I was holding hands with you all over again.
That thought, made me smile, a real, unforced, gentle smile, for the first time since you left.
In this place snow was sugar of lead
I fell back into my old patterns of avoiding people after you left.
I didn’t understand them.
Your disappearance from my life left its pain searing mark on my heart.
My grandparents sent me to a therapist at one point, since I started to stop leaving the house all together except for school by the end of our time apart.
I refused to talk however, annoyed at the idea that a stranger could solve such a personal problem.
I never liked talking to anyone but you anyways.
You…who abandoned me.
Often times I found myself laying out in the field we used to meet at night, staring at the small tree that needed supports tied to it to stand. The tree that was unable to shield us from the sun during the summer when we sat under it.
I sympathized with that tree.
Poison to destroy the lost, death of painful dread
The day you moved away I didn’t leave the apartment to say goodbye, my grandparents were at work the entire day allowing me to sit inside by the front door my ear slightly pressed against it.
I listened in silence to your voice talking to your father as you said goodbye.
I to this day still believe I heard him slap you.
Hearing the door slam shut I held my breath as I heard you walk across the hall approaching my door.
What happened next, wrenched my already bleeding heart open Michelle.
I heard you whisper, “Goodbye Maria, just forget about me.â€
Your footsteps faded as I listened to you walk away, my hand held tightly over my mouth muffling the sobs, tears streaming down my face.
My entire body shook in indecision.
I wanted to chase after you, beg you on my knees to not leave me.
Scream how important you were to me, no longer hiding my tears.
Hold you tightly and whisper the truth about your mother you were too blinded to see.
I yelled at myself in my head to move, to find courage in my heart for you the only person I ever felt love towards.
In the end, I didn’t move and you were gone.
Left covered in permafrost
“I’m moving away to live with my Mom..â€
I will never forget the way your voice trailed off sadly, your eyes focused on the ground as mine stared directly at you.
You knew I wasn’t going to be accepting of your choice.
We stood there in silence beside the small tree, a blue moon above us, shining brightly.
Maybe a sign?
Utter nonsense of course…but at the same time I couldn’t help but think it meant something.
I’m sure had that been any other normal night we would have looked up at it together, hands entwined together happily.
Thoughts during that silence ripped through my very core.
Did that mean we could no longer be together?
Would we never hold hands again?
Were you abandoning me?
Did you lie to me?
Your mother…would she really treat you right?
What about your dad…would he miss you?
Unable to find words, tears started to uncontrollably fall from my eyes as I stood there unmoving.
You looked up at me finally after a long while passed, I lost track of time as it felt as though my world had just crashed down around me.
Your eyes grew wide and I could hear your breath hitch.
That was the first time you ever saw me cry.
I never did find out how you felt seeing me like that, I panicked and ran back to the apartments as fast as I could. Confused, hurt and scared, such simple words to describe emotions but Michelle I feel like that is the best way I can describe how I felt that night running away from you.
I realized as I ran that I didn’t need to run that fast however.
You didn’t chase after me.
I began to climb with futility
“Maria look!†you shouted at me excitedly that summer day, as we walked around the art festival hand in hand, sharing lemonade.
You looked so happy, smiling back at me, pulling us towards a stand quickly.
Your eyes were blue innocent orbs that breathed life into me.
I still remember the way your hair blew perfectly against the wind, my dark and quite frankly dull hair never did compare to the angelic grace of yours.
We combined our allowances to buy two necklaces from the stand owner, as I held my hair up you gently fastened one around my neck as I looked into the mirror.
I did the same for you.
The necklaces were exactly the same; except yours had a red thread weaved through it while mine had a white one. They were handcrafted, almost choker like but not quite as tight and the young eccentric owner assured us that we could wear them as long as we liked and it would never fall apart.
I remember what I felt that day, the feeling of wanting to die one day still wearing this.
Swearing to myself I’d never take it off.
With no more to exhaust, with no more ability
A year passed by normally since that night, I’d ask if you were okay all the time.
You’d tell me you were fine with a smile and then hug me tightly.
You told me about your mother sometimes, I found myself growing to hate her more every time you did.
She abandoned you, leaving you in a horrible situation, cutting all contact with you and yet you still loved her.
I’m a hypocrite.
I saw you a faint apparition, veiled with invisibility
The image of you stumbling into the field one night behind the apartments a few weeks after I met you, your arm bleeding, and face stained with tears is forever engraved in my soul.
It also shattered my image of you being a perfect person.
It was then I realized in my young naivety that everyone suffers.
I will never forget holding you in my arms as you cried quietly underneath the tree in my lap, face buried into my shoulder painfully.
That pain was nothing compared to what you were feeling however.
I missed your smile as you told me about your father and how he treated you.
How selfish of me.
Replacing false detail
“Smile Silly.†You pouted at me exaggeratedly, sticking your bottom lip out as far as you could.
My cheeks would hurt when you’d playfully roll around in the grass with me pulling my cheeks upward, trying to force a smile onto my face.
You never succeeded.
It was only when you’d give up that I’d tease you with a smile before hugging you.
I only smiled for you Michelle.
Now that I believe, that you bestow
“Will we always be together?â€
You asked me curiously one night as we watched the stars.
“As long as you’ll let me†I responded.
“I want to be with you forever then, Maria.â€
Why did you lie to me?
Because alone you knew I was doomed to fail
After our meeting we spent all day and night together during the summer, playing during the day and watching the stars hand in hand at night.
I told you things about me that I never did to anyone else, such as how my parents were murdered and my contempt for people.
Things I never imagined myself opening up to anyone about.
Before I met you I was cold and distant from everyone, I didn’t know I could form close bonds with others.
I thought it was impossible.
We’d stay out late every night, neither of us wanting to return home, until your father would tear you away from me, forcing us to part for a few hours.
The hours always dragged on for me.
I felt alone without you.
You said you would never let me go
The day we met was a cold one outside, especially for the summer.
I didn’t expect to find a small girl lying underneath a poor excuse for a tree out in the field that day. I would visit the field every so often when I needed to think or to get away from problems.
I remember approaching you quietly, hoping to not disturb you, unfortunately for me you raised your head but what you did next surprised me.
You smiled and motioned for me to come closer.
I looked at you, raising an eyebrow.
I remember thinking “Is this girl stupid?†as I walked towards you casually.
I could have been a horrible person you know Michelle, I could have been the death of you had I been dangerous.
You trusted others too much.
I sat down beside you and time passed by slowly, neither of us speaking, I kept my eyes forward, not bothering to look at you, feeling uncomfortable.
“Hey,â€
I looked over at you surprised expecting to see you looking at me again, but you weren’t Michelle.
Your head was tilted slightly towards the sky, eyes staring up into the night curiously full of wonder.
I was entranced with you.
You turned your head towards me for a moment and took my hand, smiling, speaking kindly towards me, a complete stranger.
“You know everything fades away in time…â€
“Hm?â€
Your eyes returned to the sky, your soft smile was beautiful that night.
“But a faint light is always left behind.â€
It was after that that our friendship began.
I wonder sometimes where I might find your light.
Dear Michelle
[/SPOILER]