Cheating

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Phunkie wrote on 2011-07-20 16:32

I watched a movie as I tried to go to sleep last night. It was called, "The Kids Are All Right," with Julianne Moore and Annette Bening. Really made me think.

In the movie, both women play a married lesbian couple with two kids, whom are Moore's actual biological children (she got a sperm donor). I dunno what happens, but they decide to meet the actual sperm donor (the biological father) and they all start a friendship with him and whatnot.

To sum it all up, one of the lesbians is always really cold and harsh to her partner (Moore), while the sperm donor guy is always very funny and nice, and so Moore begins an affair with him. Eventually, her partner finds out and she's devastated and whatnot. You know the story...

It just really made me think about relationships and marriage and how difficult it is. Not gonna lie, marriage is hard. There's this quote Moore's character (Jules) said to her wife and kids after she cheated...

Jules: ...marriage is hard... Just two people slogging through the ****, year after year, getting older, changing. It's a ****ing marathon, okay? So, sometimes, you know, you're together for so long, that you just... You stop seeing the other person. You just see weird projections of your own junk. Instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails and act grubby and make stupid choices... You know if I read more Russian novels, then...

People cheat because there are problems in their relationships ([S]or because they're truly assholes[/S]). And if you never tackle that problem, you can't solve it. You may admit to cheating and never do it again, but if things don't change within the relationship, the problem still remains there.

The movie taught me that a relationship can survive after one of the two has cheated, but only if both people are committed. ****, there's nothing you can't do if you're both committed; everything is within your reach.

It was hard for the two lesbians, but at the end, they made a choice to not separate and to work through the problem, and you know what happened? The colder one of the two began being more appreciative of her partner. She actually forgave her and decided to work on what she had. Same with her kids.

It was a good movie. I had a good sleep afterwards like, "I gotta post this on Mabination when I get home." haha

Moral: If you have a significant other, appreciate him or her. Appreciate him or her all the damn time. You know why? Because we're human and sometimes we forget that we're loved. Sometimes we need to hear it.
Cynic wrote on 2011-07-20 16:40

It was always my belief that if there is a chance of cheating, you shouldn't be with that person. Now, there's always a chance in pretty much any relationship-- but if you can see yourself with someone else more than a few times, it's a bad sign.
If your partner helps contribute to why yer cheating, it's important to do what they did-- work it out on both ends. Otherwise you/they will end up cheating again, making it a rather pointless relationship from thus forth.

I've been meaning to see that movie since I saw the trailer. Julianne = <3

On a side note.. it makes me lol when people say "lesbian" and yet the person occasionally dates and/or does it with a member of the opposite sex. People throw around sexuality like it's just a title these days *sigh*. Not in reference to you, though-- I mean the movie.
Osayidan wrote on 2011-07-20 17:00

Quote from Cynic;519752:
On a side note.. it makes me lol when people say "lesbian" and yet the person occasionally dates and/or does it with a member of the opposite sex. People throw around sexuality like it's just a title these days *sigh*. Not in reference to you, though-- I mean the movie.

Yeah like that time I downloaded a lesbian porno and 90% of it had straight sex. Pissed me off D:
Sumpfkraut wrote on 2011-07-20 22:13

Tja, shouldn't have been monoamorous. :tea:
Phunkie wrote on 2011-07-21 08:20

Quote from Sumpfkraut;520150:
Tja, shouldn't have been monoamorous. :tea:

When it's not mono-, it gets complicated as hell.

I cannot see myself seriously dating more than one person ever. You have to divide time, you can't dedicate most of it to just one person.
Sumpfkraut wrote on 2011-07-21 10:49

Quote from Phigga;520875:
When it's not mono-, it gets complicated as hell.

Not really. The social structure in smaller polyamorous complexes can be compared to a family really, and those can work out too.

Obviously if you're the kind of person who tends to prefer living monoamorous for whatever reasons then you're going to have some problems in that situation, but if you are the kind of person who doesn't mind living polyamorously then you're obviously not going to have any great problems with that, which was the point of my comment.
Phunkie wrote on 2011-07-22 01:01

Well I do have a problem with that. I tend to be a jealous person, as most people.