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Mrlucky77 wrote on 2011-08-02 03:07
I'm doing an essay on The Merchant of Venice. I will update this post as I make more sentences and stuff. My theme is "the significance of mercy".
This is my introductory paragraph. Please give me constructive criticism of my essay.
In the war-laden streets of countries conquered by Germany, there were many families who were willing to take in the Jewish into their homes. These Jews, hunted by the Nazi regime, were at the mercy of those who had the kindness of hospitality. These merciful acts may be of saintly will, but mercy can also be disguised as a method to destroy another. In The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare, the conflict and relationships of residents of Italy show the usage of mercy in the struggle for power. In this struggle, Shylock, Antonio, Bassanio, and Portia must abide the law and prove their capability of mental strength (mental strength seems really off, so I'm gonna change that part, but I just cant find a good word to describe this struggle). Shakespeare’s addition of contrasting evidence in The Merchant of Venice reveals the powerful connection of mercy and revenge and the discriminatory natures in society.
:what::what::what:
HELP ME
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TA wrote on 2011-08-02 03:09
Get to writing. You're going to need the practice later.
By the time you get to college, you should be able to write a 9 page paper about anything. Even just some obscure word.
That's the best help I can give you.
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Mrlucky77 wrote on 2011-08-02 03:12
Quote from TA;534524:
Get to writing. You're going to need the practice later.
By the time you get to college, you should be able to write a 9 page paper about anything. Even just some obscure word.
That's the best help I can give you.
This is my third analytical/crital essay in response to text this month. I have been in classes 3 hours a day five days a week and I have done beowulf, the alchemist, and most recently, Merchant of venice. Each day has homework worth about 6 or 7 hours.
I have so many notes. So many. The only help I'm asking is a person's preference on two very similar thesis sentences and such.
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Sedia wrote on 2011-08-02 03:13
I won't know anything about Merchant of Venice until G15,but I'd go with Thesis 2 because to me,it looks easier to elaborate on.
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Splash wrote on 2011-08-02 03:20
You can strengthen your thesis even more if you make it more specific. Mention the contrasting evidence that you plan to use in your essay that "reveals the powerful relationship of mercy and revenge and the discriminatory natures in society."
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Mrlucky77 wrote on 2011-08-02 03:22
Quote from Splash;534537:
You can strengthen your thesis even more if you make it more specific. Mention the contrasting evidence that you plan to use in your essay that "reveals the powerful relationship of mercy and revenge and the discriminatory natures in society."
I don't really see how I could add what "contrasting evidence" there is without mentioning an example in the thesis (a really bad idea)
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Mrlucky77 wrote on 2011-08-02 03:39
BUMP FOR NEW HELP. I have edited the OP with my intro paragraph.
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TA wrote on 2011-08-02 03:52
Quote from Mrlucky77;534527:
This is my third analytical/crital essay in response to text this month. I have been in classes 3 hours a day five days a week and I have done beowulf, the alchemist, and most recently, Merchant of venice. Each day has homework worth about 6 or 7 hours.
I have so many notes. So many. The only help I'm asking is a person's preference on two very similar thesis sentences and such.
Oh. Right. Well then... Yeah, I thought you were wanting someone to write it for you or something. Carry on.
Maybe a thesaurus would help?
http://thesaurus.com/browse/comprehension
Just plug in some words you can think of and see if anything pops up that maybe you can use. I've always found them very useful when writing.
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Mrlucky77 wrote on 2011-08-02 03:56
Why would I need a thesaurus? I'm just asking whether people prefer one thing over another, as well as asking for constructive criticism. Thesauruses dont give constructive criticism. :(
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TA wrote on 2011-08-02 03:57
Quote from Mrlucky77;534579:
Why would I need a thesaurus? I'm just asking whether people prefer one thing over another, as well as asking for constructive criticism. Thesauruses dont give constructive criticism. :(
Because of your bolded text, maybe?
(mental strength seems really off, so I'm gonna change that part, but I just cant find a good word to describe this struggle).
At least that's what I took out of it...
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Mrlucky77 wrote on 2011-08-02 03:59
Quote from TA;534583:
Because of your bolded text, maybe?
At least that's what I took out of it...
Derp. :(
[Image: http://puu.sh/3UrW]
Oh well, thanks for the suggestion though
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TA wrote on 2011-08-02 04:07
Well, you have to use one word. Like comprehension, or... resilience, resolve, focus... try plugging any of those in and see if you get any hits you like.
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Mrlucky77 wrote on 2011-08-02 04:13
Back on topic, does anyone have any suggestions for my intro paragraph?
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Estern wrote on 2011-08-02 04:22
The intro... Mmmmm... Though MoV is antisemetic, I feel the first part to be unnecessary. Cut it. Make your intro as clean as clean can be. If you want a hook, make it slightly more relevant, or you can try and open with your thesis. I'm not sure if your professor would appreciate that, since some people are too picky about where they want to see the thesis statement.
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Mrlucky77 wrote on 2011-08-02 04:36
I'm only in "Entering Grade 10" summer school so I dont have a professor. As well, she highly dislikes thesis statements on the beginning of the intro paragraph. Also, any general ideas of mercy that I could use? If not that's ok. It'll just take a bit longer to write then.