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Sedia wrote on 2011-10-28 01:05
So I wrote this poem as a journal entry for my English II class and I presented it.
My teacher liked it. A lot.
Footsteps in the night
Lightning flashes pretty bright
There's a figure in the corner
I did all I could to warn her
Warm blood running through her veins
She cries whenever it rains
Some say she is afraid
Of the creature that she made
Dripping with disgust
Metal limbs covered in rust
She hoped she had a friend
But that soon came to an end
Crashing through the trees
Watching as the people flee
Standing 10 feet high
As it's missing it's right eye
The figure braced the wall
Its eyes have seen it all
Her hnd holding a knife
Ready to take her own life
Black wings stretched out long
Making right of what was wrong
Caught in a lost soul's gaze
A precious life was saved
Shattering like glass
Rusting like aging brass
She curls up in a ball
And her teardrops start to fall
Caught up in her dreams
Of which nobody believes
She was afraid of how she'd be seen
In a town encased in fear
She held her head up high
Placed a hand on her cold thigh
When she tried to stand up tall
She'd feel weak and then she'd fall
Thunder booming loud
Wincing at the roaring sound
Her body froze with fright
She never made it through the night
Yeah...strange....
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Chihaya wrote on 2011-10-28 01:18
Wow, really nice!!
Kinda reminded me of Frankenstein + Clannad (the anime), which was so f***ing weird.
Love your continuous rhyming scheme though
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Sedia wrote on 2011-10-28 01:23
Quote from Chihaya;638172:
Wow, really nice!!
Kinda reminded me of Frankenstein + Clannad (the anime), which was so f***ing weird.
Love your continuous rhyming scheme though
Yay! Someone likes it!
And thanks~ I like rhyming. I guess I'm just good at it.
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Strawberry wrote on 2011-10-28 01:25
I love the rhyming in it. The syllables fit really well too. :D
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BlackCat9 wrote on 2011-10-28 01:53
I really liked it! Nice work =D
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Sleeperdial wrote on 2011-10-28 02:09
Can we have a poetry thread? I made this the other night.
Its a bit depressing though.
[SPOILER="Spoiler"]Hell is not quite as warm
As I thought it'd be
In fact its quite cold
And very, very lonely
You could even say
That the Sun's lazy, gentle rays
Aren't what causes Earth's warmth
Each and every day
But the smiling faces of those
Who walk upon the ground
Cause the planets hospitable
Heat to endless abound
But thats when I realized
Hell isn't underground
No, the reason its so freezing
Is because there no smiles are found
For I alone know where hell is found
Its found in the corner
Where the people don't make a sound
If one were to speak up
And put in his solemn word
The best he could hope for
Is not to have been heard
Even outcast and beggars
Look down upon me
I, who know not my crime
Is avoided so carefully
If someone would stoop down
To tell me why I'm here
I'd escape hell for just ten seconds
To give an unheard cheer
Is my face so repugnant
My gait and talk so badly pungent
That you all won't even speak to me
To cast your harsh words or sad pity
So here I am all alone
The walls, hearts, and faces made of stone
And I'll put it out very plainly
This cause for this I cannot see
But I'm beaten daily by the fact
That not a single person has my back
My arrival to hell somehow began
At the same time I realized
No one calls me friend[/SPOILER]
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Skye wrote on 2011-10-28 02:52
I like it very much, but the lack of a set meter wasn't so nice. :(
But yeah, I'd give you an A for that with no hesitation.
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Loopulse wrote on 2011-10-28 04:33
Quote from CurlyBrace13;638155:
So I wrote this poem as a journal entry for my English II class and I presented it.
My teacher liked it. A lot.
Footsteps in the night
Lightning flashes pretty bright
There's a figure in the corner
I did all I could to warn her
Warm blood running through her veins
She cries whenever it rains
Some say she is afraid
Of the creature that she made
Dripping with disgust
Metal limbs covered in rust
She hoped she had a friend
But that soon came to an end
Crashing through the trees
Watching as the people flee
Standing 10 feet high
As it's missing it's right eye
The figure braced the wall
Its eyes have seen it all
Her hnd holding a knife
Ready to take her own life
Black wings stretched out long
Making right of what was wrong
Caught in a lost soul's gaze
A precious life was saved
Shattering like glass
Rusting like aging brass
She curls up in a ball
And her teardrops start to fall
Caught up in her dreams
Of which nobody believes
She was afraid of how she'd be seen
In a town encased in fear
She held her head up high
Placed a hand on her cold thigh
When she tried to stand up tall
She'd feel weak and then she'd fall
Thunder booming loud
Wincing at the roaring sound
Her body froze with fright
She never made it through the night
Yeah...strange....
Typo!
I really liked it, good job.
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TropicalCat wrote on 2011-10-28 17:48
I never did get poems.. not really my thing. o-o
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Sedia wrote on 2011-10-28 18:45
Quote from Tropacat;638896:
I never did get poems.. not really my thing. o-o
Quote from Loopulse;638488:
Typo!
I really liked it, good job.
At Tropa: That's fine.
At Loop: .......
Thanks for noticing...
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Zid wrote on 2011-10-29 15:39
That's a nice presentation.
Just a little off with the meter near the end, but it's good.