Kingofrunes wrote on 2012-01-16 01:11
Thanks to a particular thread. It actually got me thinking and I decided to check to see if I still had the bible I was first given back in 10th grade. I was sure I had thrown it away. Yet...there it was...at the bottom of my closet. I had digged down because I had remembered where I had last kept it. Funny, I hadn't paid it any heed in over 4 years and I still remember it.
The memories it brought up made me realize a few regrets I had. Mainly my attitude towards my mother during Christmas when I disappointed her when I said I didn't believe in the Catholic religion when she insisted I find a church. Later even shoving off her lecture and showing that I didn't care. Her words afterwards of the Priest and the Nun taking me and what not didn't matter to me at the time.
Now with this bible from 8 years ago that I'm sure I lost. I kind of regret shrugging her off. Truth is, I think I gave up sometime in college. Probably after I left home and was on my own. No one there to push you to go church. Combined with what you learn in college and just the nature of things in general.
Just feeling a bit nostalgic that's all. Of course this soothing music from the intro screen of Katawa Shoujou further amplifies the mood.
What do you guys think. Have you ever had moments like these where all of a sudden you have some memories of the past that make you regret something recently?
Kollin wrote on 2012-01-16 01:13
Memories: Hardly any, can't even tell you what I ate for dinner last night.
Regrets: March 4, 1994 at around 3 in the morning.
Kingofrunes wrote on 2012-01-16 01:18
I guess I just remember a lot. I have a pretty good ability to remember things. My science teacher, Mr. Reff, once told me that my mind is like a Steel Trap. Things go in and hardly leave it. For some reason I remember a couple scenes from when I was a baby. One was when my Mom was picking me up from the floor. Another time I think I was in front of some small clock crawling on the floor. Then there was this time that I accidently sipped my Mom's wine thinking it was pepsi and was all bleh! This doesn't taste right. That was with my biological mother though...
Dammit, more memories. See, I'm full of them. Lots of chances for nostalgia. Even the bad memories...but I shove those aside. Bad memories don't really bother me. I look at them indifferently. You can't change the past. You can only hope for the future and strive to better yourself.
Kingofrunes wrote on 2012-01-16 01:22
Hmm :/
I guess I'm afraid to get into a relationship. I don't really know why I don't want to date. The shelfish part of me thinks it's because I don't want to share anything and that I want to keep everything to myself. The hateful part of me thinks that getting along with someone for the rest of your life is too much of a pain to bother with. Yet the doubtful part of me thinks that there isn't anyone out there for me that would fit my tastes or would not be bothered by my little quirks. Then the honorable side of me feels that I should fully provide for a woman or man and if I can't support myself, how in heck will I support another?
Time will tell. I'll let biology and chemistry play it's course and take it from there.
But that's another topic for another day and I still have 60+ years to regret it I'm sure lol. That's if nothing happens between now and then.
Bride wrote on 2012-01-16 01:51
The hateful part of me thinks that getting along with someone for the rest of your life is too much of a pain to bother with. Yet the doubtful part of me thinks that there isn't anyone out there for me that would fit my tastes or would not be bothered by my little quirks. Then the honorable side of me feels that I should fully provide for a woman or man and if I can't support myself, how in heck will I support another?
I'm not sure what to tell you about being able to support your significant other, but I'll tell you, once you find the right person, it's worth it :D
and couples sometimes get bothered by each others' quirks, it happens (including in my relationship). but eventually, if you're truly compatible you learn to deal with these quirks and they won't be too big an issue
also it shouldn't be a pain to spend the rest of your life with someone, as long as you're compatible for one, and you two have your own hobbies and spend enough time apart from each other
that part's just what I think though B(
Claudia wrote on 2012-01-16 14:14
This one friendship of mine and how it ended.
This is a long read, so if you do read it, props to you.
[SPOILER="Spoiler"]I met this girl in 7th grade. She was new here and lived near me, so naturally I introduced myself and we became fast friends. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY at school liked her. They made fun of her because of her weight and because she had epilepsy, and it was about that time that I realized how cruel people could be and I became wary of my own classmates. But they also didn't like her because sometimes, she could be pretty damn rude and manipulative. My own friends wouldn't talk to me if she was nearby and basically said "well, if you're going to be friends with her, don't talk to me." Either way, I stood by my new friend because I didn't want to be like everybody else.
But it got worse. I got to bear witness to the really nasty side of her. We loved her family dearly and event went on vacations with them, but sometimes when we all got together it was stressful. Our brothers were the same age, but as all little boys do, they fought often. They would also invite THEIR friends to OUR house and functions, and while we genuinely liked the people, it upset my father greatly. Her mother was really involved in her life, to the point where she was too involved. One time, I informed my mom that I was going to the movies with a friend of mine on the military base just outside of town and my friend's mom happened to be there, and she half-seriously/half-jokingly asked why I didn't invite this friend either. I had to explain why (you can't just stroll on to a military base, jesus) and I felt really horrible having to justify myself to my best friend's mom.
She also got me into trouble. Serious, serious trouble, more trouble than i've ever been in during my whole entire life. At my school, we weren't allowed to roam in the hallways in the morning, not before the first bell rang. I never liked being in a crowded cafeteria with 300 other kids, and my friend just didn't want to be near those people. So we wandered the halls together, trying to stay quiet so teachers didn't notice. If we ever ran into teachers, I always had a good excuse as to why we were in the halls, but sometimes my friend would ruin it and the teacher would reprimand us. After a while, I was called down to the principal's office. When that happens, you know you're in deep ****. I have NEVER been called down to the office before in my life. My friend wasn't. So they gave me an ultimatum: no more wandering. You can sit in the office.
So I spent six month's worth of morning sitting in the guidance office. People thought I was a mental case. Teachers looked at me differently. I felt like a mental case, with the things going on my life at the time. But I still hung out with my friend.
Also, she was a copycat. Everything I liked, she liked. At first I loved it. Finally, I had a friend who liked all the things I did and didn't make fun of me for it. But then she would become obsessed with whatever it was, and just wouldn't stop talking about it. She would do it all the time, everywhere. Sometimes I would get angry and snap at her to just stop talking about it, and then she'd stop and move on to something else, and i'd feel bad for getting annoyed with her.
And she always got what she wanted, somehow. We would go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and the first place we would go is the store that she liked. We would spend upwards of an hour in this small-ass store and she'd love it. I'd ask if we could go to GameStop or if I could show her a better clothing store (because we were shopping and this place was hella expensive), but she wouldn't have it. Three hours later, she'd have a bag of something and i'd be empty-handed. It's something I became used to and still am to this day.
At the end of 8th grade, things began to fall apart. Every May, the 8th grade class goes to Washington, D.C. for 4 days/3 nights. We were allowed to choose who we wanted to room with, upwards of five people. Of course, I had decided that I was rooming with my best friend, along with another good friend that I had just met the year before, and my two other friends who mercifully could put up with my best friend.
In a room of 5 people, we were given two beds and a cot. But my best friend wouldn't share with anyone, and I, the only person who would logically want to share with her, wanted the cot. I blamed myself for this dilemma, and vowed to make it right by reasoning with my friend. But I couldn't, and my other good friend ended up sleeping in a chair all three nights. I felt horrible and upset at my best friend.
I also found out she was leaving my school to go to an agricultural technical school nearby. I learned this a few months before the D.C. incident, and I was sad that my friend was leaving. But this, combined with other things that had happened recently, made me grateful that she was leaving. And I felt terrible for it.
Our freshman years continued on this way. I rarely saw her, but she texted me often and raved about her great new friends at her great new school. She always wanted to hang out, but I always had an excuse to not. One time, I told her I was babysitting my brother, and she said "Oh, the thing can watch itself, right?" I was livid. My brother and I rarely get along and even when i'm angry at him, I still love him and everybody knows it, so that REALLY bothered me. At school, people made fun of her, and while I didn't join in, I listened to what they had to say. Despite this, we still saw each other frequently. She was also officially un-diagnosed (dunno what the word is) with epilepsy and I was happy for her. But people still made fun of her.
The end was close. This happened at the start of freshman year. Every year, during the first week of school, my father goes to Vermont with some of his police friends and does some shooting. He usually comes home at noon on Sunday after leaving early in the morning Thursday. When my dad comes home from a trip, he wants nothing more than to relax with a beer and his family. But Sunday is football, so we had my friend's family, plus a friend of theirs over. When my dad came home, he lost it. He somehow didn't know they were coming over, and since he wasn't expecting it, he was taken aback. My father doesn't get taken aback. And my friend doesn't even like football, which is unacceptable. My father was clearly angry and when they left he said they were never coming over again on Sundays. And so it was.
I ended it that summer, on the 4th of July. Our town was showing fireworks, so we invited our friends and we went. While we were there, I saw some of my own friends hanging out with each other and I thought about how badly I wanted to be with them. And I told my mom that, and my mom said no. I got angry at her because she knew this was the last thing I wanted to do, but she said no. In the end, we were screaming at each other and my mom walked home. I was angry at my friend, and she knew it. By the end of the night my brother and I were hugging and crying and I was so ashamed, and so was he. I can't remember the last time i've felt so rotten and disgusting inside.
We haven't talked since.
She was at a party for our neighbors' first communion, last Mother's Day. I made small talk when I was required to but otherwise avoided eye contact. I found out that she had had a seizure a few months after that fateful 4th of July, and because of that she hadn't gotten her permit and my mother had just finished telling anybody who would listen that I had, and I was six months older than her. She had a boyfriend that lived an hour away, and she talked about how happy they were. My mother and I left early, both of us relieved that we didn't have to talk to them anymore. I didn't feel upset or sad, I just felt weird. [/SPOILER]
Since then, a lot has changed for me. I've grown up a lot since middle school, a lot of things in my life have gotten under control, and i've thought a lot about this. Just this summer, after the Mother's Day incident, I thought about rekindling the friendship but I had no idea how, and I wasn't sure if it was worth it. I asked my favorite teacher (who is much like a second mother to me) how to go about it, and she told me a story much like mine (and the girls even have the same name), and how since then, she hasn't looked back and she doesn't regret it. So I don't look back, not very often.
But since then, i've resolved to be even kinder and politer to people. While in real life, people can attest that I can be very crass, crude, and rude at times, I try not to let that define me. I would rather go out of my way to be kind to at least one person, if it makes them happy. I would rather have people know me as the girl that will give you the time of day, the girl that can offer you a smile, the girl that will help you out, rather than be like everyone else. So far, i'm much happier being that person.
But i'm nicer, younger, and more naive than my teacher. So I regret. I don't know if I regret the friendship, or ending it, but when I think of this girl, I feel a sad regret. Not even anger, resentment, or bitterness, but just...regret.
Jelly wrote on 2012-01-16 14:59
Quote from Claudia;737965:
This one friendship of mine and how it ended.
This is a long read, so if you do read it, props to you.
[SPOILER="Spoiler"]I met this girl in 7th grade. She was new here and lived near me, so naturally I introduced myself and we became fast friends. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY at school liked her. They made fun of her because of her weight and because she had epilepsy, and it was about that time that I realized how cruel people could be and I became wary of my own classmates. But they also didn't like her because sometimes, she could be pretty damn rude and manipulative. My own friends wouldn't talk to me if she was nearby and basically said "well, if you're going to be friends with her, don't talk to me." Either way, I stood by my new friend because I didn't want to be like everybody else.
But it got worse. I got to bear witness to the really nasty side of her. We loved her family dearly and event went on vacations with them, but sometimes when we all got together it was stressful. Our brothers were the same age, but as all little boys do, they fought often. They would also invite THEIR friends to OUR house and functions, and while we genuinely liked the people, it upset my father greatly. Her mother was really involved in her life, to the point where she was too involved. One time, I informed my mom that I was going to the movies with a friend of mine on the military base just outside of town and my friend's mom happened to be there, and she half-seriously/half-jokingly asked why I didn't invite this friend either. I had to explain why (you can't just stroll on to a military base, jesus) and I felt really horrible having to justify myself to my best friend's mom.
She also got me into trouble. Serious, serious trouble, more trouble than i've ever been in during my whole entire life. At my school, we weren't allowed to roam in the hallways in the morning, not before the first bell rang. I never liked being in a crowded cafeteria with 300 other kids, and my friend just didn't want to be near those people. So we wandered the halls together, trying to stay quiet so teachers didn't notice. If we ever ran into teachers, I always had a good excuse as to why we were in the halls, but sometimes my friend would ruin it and the teacher would reprimand us. After a while, I was called down to the principal's office. When that happens, you know you're in deep ****. I have NEVER been called down to the office before in my life. My friend wasn't. So they gave me an ultimatum: no more wandering. You can sit in the office.
So I spent six month's worth of morning sitting in the guidance office. People thought I was a mental case. Teachers looked at me differently. I felt like a mental case, with the things going on my life at the time. But I still hung out with my friend.
Also, she was a copycat. Everything I liked, she liked. At first I loved it. Finally, I had a friend who liked all the things I did and didn't make fun of me for it. But then she would become obsessed with whatever it was, and just wouldn't stop talking about it. She would do it all the time, everywhere. Sometimes I would get angry and snap at her to just stop talking about it, and then she'd stop and move on to something else, and i'd feel bad for getting annoyed with her.
And she always got what she wanted, somehow. We would go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and the first place we would go is the store that she liked. We would spend upwards of an hour in this small-ass store and she'd love it. I'd ask if we could go to GameStop or if I could show her a better clothing store (because we were shopping and this place was hella expensive), but she wouldn't have it. Three hours later, she'd have a bag of something and i'd be empty-handed. It's something I became used to and still am to this day.
At the end of 8th grade, things began to fall apart. Every May, the 8th grade class goes to Washington, D.C. for 4 days/3 nights. We were allowed to choose who we wanted to room with, upwards of five people. Of course, I had decided that I was rooming with my best friend, along with another good friend that I had just met the year before, and my two other friends who mercifully could put up with my best friend.
In a room of 5 people, we were given two beds and a cot. But my best friend wouldn't share with anyone, and I, the only person who would logically want to share with her, wanted the cot. I blamed myself for this dilemma, and vowed to make it right by reasoning with my friend. But I couldn't, and my other good friend ended up sleeping in a chair all three nights. I felt horrible and upset at my best friend.
I also found out she was leaving my school to go to an agricultural technical school nearby. I learned this a few months before the D.C. incident, and I was sad that my friend was leaving. But this, combined with other things that had happened recently, made me grateful that she was leaving. And I felt terrible for it.
Our freshman years continued on this way. I rarely saw her, but she texted me often and raved about her great new friends at her great new school. She always wanted to hang out, but I always had an excuse to not. One time, I told her I was babysitting my brother, and she said "Oh, the thing can watch itself, right?" I was livid. My brother and I rarely get along and even when i'm angry at him, I still love him and everybody knows it, so that REALLY bothered me. At school, people made fun of her, and while I didn't join in, I listened to what they had to say. Despite this, we still saw each other frequently. She was also officially un-diagnosed (dunno what the word is) with epilepsy and I was happy for her. But people still made fun of her.
The end was close. This happened at the start of freshman year. Every year, during the first week of school, my father goes to Vermont with some of his police friends and does some shooting. He usually comes home at noon on Sunday after leaving early in the morning Thursday. When my dad comes home from a trip, he wants nothing more than to relax with a beer and his family. But Sunday is football, so we had my friend's family, plus a friend of theirs over. When my dad came home, he lost it. He somehow didn't know they were coming over, and since he wasn't expecting it, he was taken aback. My father doesn't get taken aback. And my friend doesn't even like football, which is unacceptable. My father was clearly angry and when they left he said they were never coming over again on Sundays. And so it was.
I ended it that summer, on the 4th of July. Our town was showing fireworks, so we invited our friends and we went. While we were there, I saw some of my own friends hanging out with each other and I thought about how badly I wanted to be with them. And I told my mom that, and my mom said no. I got angry at her because she knew this was the last thing I wanted to do, but she said no. In the end, we were screaming at each other and my mom walked home. I was angry at my friend, and she knew it. By the end of the night my brother and I were hugging and crying and I was so ashamed, and so was he. I can't remember the last time i've felt so rotten and disgusting inside.
We haven't talked since.
She was at a party for our neighbors' first communion, last Mother's Day. I made small talk when I was required to but otherwise avoided eye contact. I found out that she had had a seizure a few months after that fateful 4th of July, and because of that she hadn't gotten her permit and my mother had just finished telling anybody who would listen that I had, and I was six months older than her. She had a boyfriend that lived an hour away, and she talked about how happy they were. My mother and I left early, both of us relieved that we didn't have to talk to them anymore. I didn't feel upset or sad, I just felt weird. [/SPOILER]
Since then, a lot has changed for me. I've grown up a lot since middle school, a lot of things in my life have gotten under control, and i've thought a lot about this. Just this summer, after the Mother's Day incident, I thought about rekindling the friendship but I had no idea how, and I wasn't sure if it was worth it. I asked my favorite teacher (who is much like a second mother to me) how to go about it, and she told me a story much like mine (and the girls even have the same name), and how since then, she hasn't looked back and she doesn't regret it. So I don't look back, not very often.
But since then, i've resolved to be even kinder and politer to people. While in real life, people can attest that I can be very crass, crude, and rude at times, I try not to let that define me. I would rather go out of my way to be kind to at least one person, if it makes them happy. I would rather have people know me as the girl that will give you the time of day, the girl that can offer you a smile, the girl that will help you out, rather than be like everyone else. So far, i'm much happier being that person.
But i'm nicer, younger, and more naive than my teacher. So I regret. I don't know if I regret the friendship, or ending it, but when I think of this girl, I feel a sad regret. Not even anger, resentment, or bitterness, but just...regret.
I read it all, my thoughts..
Your friend failed to understand how good you were being to her, she was selfish. I love how you made an effort to be friends with her, put up with her at her worst/usual/whatever. I personally don't think that you should regret what happened or how you acted, you were the better person. She sounds like the typical unpopular girl who takes friendship for granted and doesn't care.
You changed afterwards, but that's what happens. You learn from mistakes and know not to make them again and become a better person in the end.
Claudia wrote on 2012-01-16 15:03
Indeed, but a part of it was my fault as well. There are things I could've done to improve the situations I ended up in.
I could've sucked it up and shared a bed with her in D.C., but I didn't. I could've just flat out told her after a while that I didn't want to hang out with her, instead of dragging it on for months. My freshman year I could've defended her from people too pathetic to say what they felt to her face, but instead I listened to their bull****.
Though I suppose now it's too late for that. Our friendship taught me many valuable lessons, so instead of thinking about how I could've changed the situation, now I use what i've learned and apply it to my life today. I think it's safe to say, though, that our friendship imploding was inevitable.
Elena wrote on 2012-01-17 02:48
I've always thought I was unfair in judging the way my parents behave sometimes. Why? Because I know how I can be, and I know when I'm not right, but I get defensive about things, just like they do. Granted, I don't always believe I'm wrong when I disagree with them and tell them so. We have a lot of differences but they take care of me, give me a place to live. They never hit me, or abused me emotionally or anything, and sometimes I do wish I'd take the time to be nicer. It's just that generally, I don't really like interacting with people, generally. I can get kind of irritable. It's not their fault that I react certain ways sometimes. I wouldn't say I'm a terrible daughter or anything of the sort. I just happen to have a little collection of regrets of my own.
Juno wrote on 2012-01-17 03:10
I told a lie almost a decade ago and had to live with it for about 7 years. I had good intentions, and good came of it...but thanks to that I'm kind of cut off from my own life. I don't really have anyone that's really close to me.
Looking back, if I had to tell that same lie to help that person, I'd do it again in a heartbeat...but sometimes I wonder if I'd say the same if I knew what the alternative would have been.