How do you get over someone?

• Phunkie wrote on 2010-07-10 21:44
  I've had a meannnnnnnnnnn crush on someone for the longest. 3 years, to be exact.
  
  Every time I pull myself away and I start thinking that I'm getting over this person, I go back and the feelings return. Some days, I just want to pull my eyes out! ._.
  
  We're both really good friends, but these feelings are clearly unhealthy. (And not mutual.)
  
  How do you get over someone you feel so strongly for?
  
  Is there a way to do it without sacrificing our friendship?
• Lan wrote on 2010-07-10 21:49

  Quote from Phunkie;88463:

  I've had a meannnnnnnnnnn crush on someone for the longest. 3 years, to be exact.
  
  Every time I pull myself away and I start thinking that I'm getting over this person, I go back and the feelings return. Some days, I just want to pull my eyes out! ._.
  
  We're both really good friends, but these feelings are clearly unhealthy. (And not mutual.)
  
  How do you get over someone you feel so strongly for?
  
  Is there a way to do it without sacrificing our friendship?

  
  
  My method is ignoring all feelings, if they come just thinking about something else ^_^
• Cannibal wrote on 2010-07-10 21:50
  I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes its best to distance yourself from the person until you know for sure you'll be able to be around them again without those feelings resurfacing.
• Kueh wrote on 2010-07-10 21:56
  Fall in love with someone else.
  
  Or if there is no one else, create a fictional ego with all the qualities that you want and use them as a lightning rod to siphon away all the feelings from the first person.
• Lan wrote on 2010-07-10 21:57

  Quote from Whyrainfalls;88492:

  Fall in love with someone else.
  
  Or if there is no one else, create a fictional ego with all the qualities that you want and use them as a lightning rod to siphon away all the feelings from the first person

  
  
  o_O
• Phunkie wrote on 2010-07-10 22:03
  I guess I just haven't been trying hard enough. I'll start trying hard from today on.
  
  You all have great ideas.
  
  And some distance will definitely quicken the process. It's just easier said than done. But I will try.
  
  Thanks, guys. :)
• Zid wrote on 2010-07-10 22:15
  I'd have to agree with the Rain, the usual way to forget feelings for someone is to have feelings for someone else. A "Oh, more interesting than what I'm playing with now" prospect.
  
  It doesn't have to be dating or relationships like that. It can be friends or a group dedicated to doing something (like poker or bowling).
  
  However, if you're looking for a new "fish to catch", don't be afraid to try.
• hengsheng120 wrote on 2010-07-10 23:25
  if you are planning to distance yourself, make sure nothing reminds of that person so you go back and think about them
  that includes facebook, phone numbers, email, im, etc.
  if your friend is close enough to you and contacts you without restraint anyways, then you have tell her your feelings, so that she will distant from you or get closer
  then you have do anything else to try to distract your leftover thoughts, like going with someone else
  note that as soon as you get bored you'll start thinking about it.
  make yourself busy!
• Sleeperdial wrote on 2010-07-10 23:49
  Deny that you like her (but just to yourself) once you deny it long enough your mind will believe it.
• Lan wrote on 2010-07-10 23:53

  Quote from Sleeperdial;88629:

  Deny that you like her (but just to yourself) once you deny it long enough your mind will believe it.

  
  
  It's a guy o_o
• Phunkie wrote on 2010-07-11 00:01

  Quote from hengsheng120;88604:

  if you are planning to distance yourself, make sure nothing reminds of that person so you go back and think about them
  that includes facebook, phone numbers, email, im, etc.
  if your friend is close enough to you and contacts you without restraint anyways, then you have tell her your feelings, so that she will distant from you or get closer
  then you have do anything else to try to distract your leftover thoughts, like going with someone else
  note that as soon as you get bored you'll start thinking about it.
  make yourself busy!

  
  
  Sounds torturous, but it may in fact work.
  
  But you have me feeling motivated. I will try. Thank you.
  
  :)
• Virtue wrote on 2010-07-11 15:10
  The only effective way is to cut them off completely. Sad but true.
• Episkey wrote on 2010-07-11 15:49

  Quote from Phunkie;88463:

  I've had a meannnnnnnnnnn crush on someone for the longest. 3 years, to be exact.
  
  Every time I pull myself away and I start thinking that I'm getting over this person, I go back and the feelings return. Some days, I just want to pull my eyes out! ._.
  
  We're both really good friends, but these feelings are clearly unhealthy. (And not mutual.)
  
  How do you get over someone you feel so strongly for?
  
  Is there a way to do it without sacrificing our friendship?

  
  
  I am going to assume from reading your posts that this person is a guy. If not, disregard my entire post T_T
  I would say if that person likes guys too, go for it. If you have been friends for the longest time, there is nothing wrong with that friendship going to a higher level. But, I am assuming that "person" doesn't like guys.
  
  Therefore, I'll tell you a personal story. (Im glad that the internet gives you some sense of being anonymous)
  
  I am a teenager, I've been best friends with this person for 3 years. I consider myself a heterosexual, I don't look at guys romantically. Except ... for my best friend.
  I could say I've had a crush on him for about a year now. My friend is not gay and I'm not either.
  We both dated girls and my sexual preference didn't do a 180.
  
  In the beginning I tried denying it, then I went to long periods of ignoring him. But I can say to you, that only hurts your friendship. Thankfully, my friend seems to be oblivious to my situation so he didn't think much about it. A lot of stressful events occurred during that time frame.
  
  Denial won't help you. You know that grass is green and your trying to shut your eyes and say its purple! When you actually are forced to look at the grass, its still green. You like this person, you can tell yourself you don't. But you can't merely shut your eyes your entire life- your going to have to confront this person. And then what? Your going to still feel those romantic feelings for that person. This is also why ignoring doesn't work. Worst case scenario, that person becomes worried about you and then becomes an even bigger part of your life.
  
  Anyway, back to my life. While struggling with my feelings, it turns out that he's recently found himself a girlfriend- about 2 weeks ago. Unknown to him, I still like him. But he having a girlfriend oddly gave me sense of happiness. He began to tell me how he met her and how happy he was. I couldn't help but smile and be happy for him over the phone. At that point I realized all I had to do was accept reality. I'm falling for a guy that clearly won't change his sexual preferences and fall for me. I am chasing after a dream that will never turn into reality. Kinda sad but its the truth.
  
  If I were you, analyze why your having a crush on this person. Perhaps you don't want to be separated from them? Or maybe its their personality you like? Whatever the reason may be, I think its perfectly plausible for someone to have a romantic interest for someone they have known for so long.
  
  Accepting reality is nice, but it won't instantly change your feelings. Hell, I still like him- but I feel more at peace with myself. I'm a teenager, so I don't feel the need to- but maybe telling that person how you feel may be beneficial. I don't think such a long friendship will be broken by merely telling him how you feel. It may even strengthen your friendship!
  
  I hope this helped, writing all of this actually helped me out too. The moment I hit the submit reply button, I have fully accepted my situation. No more denying it! Hah Hah.
  
  Best of luck! :onionru:
  
  P.S
  Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
  
  Read this. :D
  It helped me understand my emotions.
• hengsheng120 wrote on 2010-07-11 16:00
  I assumed it's a girl only because I had experience in it. I dunno about same sex stuff, but it I guess it shouldn't be that different with the exception that there are less people that share that preference. knowing why doesn't really help though (only makes you ponder on the subject you aren't supposed to, open wounds, and makes you do things that makes things worse) because sometimes there is no clear why. In the end, it's the only actions that really count.
• Phunkie wrote on 2010-07-12 03:30

  Quote from Episkey;89212:

  Best of luck! :onionru:
  
  P.S
  Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
  
  Read this. :D
  It helped me understand my emotions.

  
  
  Thank you so much. You are amazing for writing all that.
  
  The object of my strong affection is definitely a guy. And yes, he likes guys too. He just doesn't like me. haha
  
  Like I said, we've been friends for a really long time and that's definitely a cause to my "limerence" as you suggested.
  
  Why do I like him? I don't know. He's not the perfect person in the world. He has a bunch of flaws, especially social ones. But he just gets to me. And it's not even his looks. It's definitely the way he makes me laugh and the conversations we had. Definitely that.
  
  But he doesn't notice me. He looks at other guys, of course. And deep down, I know I deserve someone who will treat me right. I mean, who doesn't? I'm just obnoxiously "in love" with this guy and gosh, sometimes it's awful.
  
  And I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I don't wanna feel like this either.
  
  I accept reality-- that he'll probably never want me as I want him. But the part I have trouble with is moving on.
  
  And I'm doing it slowly. Veeeeeery slowly. My job does wonders for me in respect to this issue.
  
  I've also tried to... see other people. xD But that hasn't worked. I guess I just have to keep trying. And I will.
  
  I'll forget him one day. And I'll meet someone amazing as well. None of this unrequited love business. We all need someone wonderful for us.
  
  Once again, thank you.