Two words. Walmart Giftcard.
Eww Walmart.
Do the pirate-y thing, and bury it!
Draw a map and bury that too.
Then draw a map leading to the other map and send it in a bottle across the sea and label it: "Do not open unless you're me"
Then get a job, open a savings account, save up for a boat, hire a crew, search the seas for the bottle, destroying or avoiding everything in your way
find out a rival ship has found the bottle, chase the ship down, epic battle ensues, final fight in cave, rival's dying words are: "I only had 1/4 of it, the rest lies with my fellow pirates, BWaaahahahhaa....hac...ugh...uh..ah...."
then the credits roll, and you prepare for your sequel