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Taycat wrote on 2012-08-13 17:37
I've been friends with someone for almost a year now and just today he told me I was a "moderation friend". He basically told me he could tolerate me for awhile and then he'll get bored of me and stop talking to me in favor of other people he apparently likes better. I think he at least deserves some backstory, so here we go.
Last year in August, he and I started talking. We both liked a lot of the same things. Video Games, roleplaying, and generally browsing 4chan. Sometime in October or November, he added me to his main chat on skype that he talked a lot in. That was around the time I got Minecraft and they invited me to play on their server. To put it simply, none of the people in the group were the type of people you wanted to talk to. Heck, they even had a guy that would go out of his way to make my time on Minecraft miserable.
After that, we still talked and had skype calls. Around December, some forum drama started to happen from a forum we both had met on. Suffice to say, he decided to go on a spree and join the bandwagon of people who didn't really like to talk to me or would rather talk in groups without me. Eventually, he started to date the one that was in charge of the group. I had no idea and he was told by the girl to not talk to me, so he stopped talking to me.
Only recently did we start to talk again, after they had broken up, and he seemed like he really needed a friend. I decided to try and renew our friendship. Time passed and a few days ago, I was making jokes while he livestreamed a game to some friends while in a skype call with them. I made a joke that another member had made before and he had the gall to make fun of me for it. And, to be honest, he didn't even seem to be joking about it.
And then today, he started to talk to me about some complaints and then he tells me I'm a "moderation friend". That's taken me aback and I have no idea what to say to that.
Got any advice?
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Niuu wrote on 2012-08-13 17:51
Just stop hanging / talking with him? Jerks gotta jerk
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Kazuni wrote on 2012-08-13 17:53
uh he's obviously a dickbag
ditch the moron
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Mentosftw wrote on 2012-08-13 18:10
People are generally friendly douchebags.
You just need to know when to let go; holding on to a dying friendship will only frustrate the person trying to preserve it.
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Cynic wrote on 2012-08-13 18:11
I've had friendships like that before (usually old friends who I enjoy talking to every now and again, but can't really be friends with them long-term without getting bored of them), but there's a huge difference between that and being an asshole about it. As previously stated; let him go. He's rude as shit.
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Malogg wrote on 2012-08-14 05:37
That's beyond rude. Ditch the motherfucker.
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paladin wrote on 2012-08-14 23:01
Ditch him
better long term for both of you
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Akemii wrote on 2012-08-14 23:07
Don't take anyone's shit like this. Get him out of your life.
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Yoorah wrote on 2012-08-14 23:09
I think the problem here is that you expect too much from him. It sounds like you have a crush on him, or something, and he doesn't value you the same way. Most conflicts in life happen due to mismatching expectations of the other party, so learn to adapt to the situation. Yeah, he's rude and probably didn't express himself the way he wanted.. but you don't have to ditch him over it. Talk to him when you're bored and got nothing better to do, just like he does. As long as you don't try to go for anything more with this guy, you could still have a good time.
Never heard the term "moderation friend" before, lol. Sounds pretty stupid, but whatever.
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Cucurbita wrote on 2012-08-14 23:25
Quote from Yoorah;933815:
I think the problem here is that you expect too much from him. It sounds like you have a crush on him, or something, and he doesn't value you the same way. Most conflicts in life happen due to mismatching expectations of the other party, so learn to adapt to the situation. Yeah, he's rude and probably didn't express himself the way he wanted.. but you don't have to ditch him over it. Talk to him when you're bored and got nothing better to do, just like he does. As long as you don't try to go for anything more with this guy, you could still have a good time.
Never heard the term "moderation friend" before, lol. Sounds pretty stupid, but whatever.
Pretty much this.
What I can get out of this is that you care about him more than he cares about you. This doesn't make him an asshole.
I mean, yes he's rude and blunt for putting that label "moderation friend" on you, but while everyone criticizes him for it, we all do it in our own heads. Not all friends are equal to us. Some friends are a bit more annoying than others, some friends are less important than another, etc. I guess the simplest analogy would be putting a friend in the rating of 1 to 10 for not so much are to most important.
If you're perched on the lower end of the spectrum, he can probably enjoy your company every once in a while, but if he has to define you out like that and call you out, it probably means you're giving him less space than he wants.
Don't over dramatize this. All he did was bluntly tell you that he wants more space, though he's really awful at wording it.
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Kazuni wrote on 2012-08-14 23:28
Quote from Cucurbita;933823:
Pretty much this.
What I can get out of this is that you care about him more than he cares about you. This doesn't make him an asshole.
I mean, yes he's rude and blunt for putting that label "moderation friend" on you, but while everyone criticizes him for it, we all do it in our own heads. Not all friends are equal to us. Some friends are a bit more annoying than others, some friends are less important than another, etc. I guess the simplest analogy would be putting a friend in the rating of 1 to 10 for not so much are to most important.
If you're perched on the lower end of the spectrum, he can probably enjoy your company every once in a while, but if he has to define you out like that and call you out, it probably means you're giving him less space than he wants.
Don't over dramatize this. All he did was bluntly tell you that he wants more space, though he's really awful at wording it.
Suffice to say, he decided to go on a spree and join the bandwagon of people who didn't really like to talk to me or would rather talk in groups without me. Eventually, he started to date the one that was in charge of the group. I had no idea and he was told by the girl to not talk to me, so he stopped talking to me.
Doesn't sound like someone that's worth her time.
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Cucurbita wrote on 2012-08-14 23:36
Quote from Kazuni;933824:
worth her time.
This is exactly what I mean by over dramatizing.
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Kazuni wrote on 2012-08-14 23:45
Quote from Cucurbita;933830:
This is exactly what I mean by over dramatizing.
well she doesn't seem too happy about what he's done
if he's going to do things like that in the future then why submit yourself to feeling bad because of it?
It's not like "oh you're going to have conflict with every person". this guy obviously isn't making much of an attempt to be friends. the effort shouldn't be so one-sided. if you want a relationship where you only talk every two weeks and don't get deep into anything, what's the point?
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Cucurbita wrote on 2012-08-14 23:59
Quote from Kazuni;933837:
if you want a relationship where you only talk every two weeks and don't get deep into anything, what's the point?
Well time to remove 90% of you from my msn/skype/steam contacts list.
[S]dick.[/S]
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Kazuni wrote on 2012-08-15 01:53
Quote from Cucurbita;933843:
Well time to remove 90% of you from my msn/skype/steam contacts list.
[S]dick.[/S]
you do realize you're not on any of my lists to begin with and we only ever indirectly talk on nation.
like I said, I don't see the point of putting up with someone who's going to make you feel like you don't matter to them for the few moments you'll get to talk to them every few weeks.