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Taycat wrote on 2013-02-21 05:27
My mom just found out that my dad has been cheating on her with some bitch on the internet for the past three weeks.
And he's doing this just as she's found a lump in one of her breasts.
I don't want to live anymore.
How could he do that to us?
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Episkey wrote on 2013-02-21 05:30
Wow. I'm sorry that such a thing occurred in your family.
I hope that your father and mother are able to make amends, even with the current situation D:
But most importantly, don't loose sight of your life goals. The relationship problems of your parents, while they do effect you, isn't a result of anything you have done.
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Taycat wrote on 2013-02-21 06:07
Yeah but I feel like I hurt the problem even more by taking sides with my father.
My mom left the house crying and I'm too scared to call her right now...but I"m really worried about her.
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Phunkie wrote on 2013-02-21 06:53
First thing's first.
Despite how upset you may be, don't put the blame on anybody just yet. It's your parent's relationship and you don't know what underlying issues may have caused your Dad to do that to your Mom. Nonetheless, I do agree that cheating is wrong and your father is in the wrong for doing it, but right now, it's not good to judge, even if you feel hurt. It's hard, I know.
Talk to both of your folks, possibly separately, and just be honest about how you feel about this situation.
I don't know how close you are to your folks or what kind of people they are, but support is what your Mom needs right now. Your Dad may possibly just need someone to listen. People cheat usually because they're frustrated in some aspect in their relationship (i.e. they're not getting what they want, they're not happy). Remind your Dad that he is wrong for doing this though. He needs to know that he has done wrong.
Remind yourself that this isn't your fault. You're a good person. Things just happen sometimes, but you can do something to amend the situation a little. Perhaps eventually getting your folks to talk to each other about what's going on in their relationship.
I love you and be strong. Have someone to talk to when you feel like you can't handle it. I love you.
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Juno wrote on 2013-02-21 07:16
What made you side with your dad, given your obvious distaste for him in your post?
Also, first thing's first, find out what that lump is before dealing with the cheating revelations. Which means, call your mother NOW. No one gains anything from waiting on that.
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Taycat wrote on 2013-02-21 18:15
I sided with my dad because my mom did mostly the same thing when he was working at his last job for 6 years. She would be on the computer on farmville for hours while he watched TV before they went to bed. So I saw this as payback for her doing it to him those years.
Now I don't know what I can do or if I want to even talk to my dad.
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otto wrote on 2013-02-21 18:31
Quote from Mythical Detective Loki X;1036767:
I sided with my dad because my mom did mostly the same thing when he was working at his last job for 6 years. She would be on the computer on farmville for hours while he watched TV before they went to bed. So I saw this as payback for her doing it to him those years.
Now I don't know what I can do or if I want to even talk to my dad.
Wait. She cheated on him as well years ago, or did she just neglect him for the internet?
Because number one, the two arent the same if thats the case. And number two, I dont think you should have sided with him over his "revenge". He cheated, he was in the wrong.
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Taycat wrote on 2013-02-21 18:39
Quote from otto;1036776:
Wait. She cheated on him as well years ago, or did she just neglect him for the internet?
Because number one, the two arent the same if thats the case. And number two, I dont think you should have sided with him over his "revenge". He cheated, he was in the wrong.
I thought I stated clearly that she was just on farmville all day long?? She didn't cheat.
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Cynic wrote on 2013-02-21 18:43
Yeah, being on the computer for an extended period of time can certainly be bad for any relationship, but cheating is something completely different. Being on the computer doesn't necessarily have to be with any bad intentions, whereas cheating shows a blatant disregard of the other person's feelings and basically shows that they don't give two shits about them, their relationship and their trust. There's really no excuse for it. If he's lonely, then he should learn a nifty little thing called communication and discuss the issue with her instead of screwing somebody else. If things still don't work out, then break up.
People over-complicate the hell out of things because they refuse to actually make an effort in their relationship and don't want to take responsibility for things when they go south. It's pathetic. If the relationship was completely loveless (or one-sided) then I could understand. It's something often seen in abusive relationships in which the victim tries to seek kind, healthy love elsewhere. Otherwise? No.
..But I digress. You should really make sure that they talk it out one way or another. Be sure that they either learn to communicate properly and deal with any hurdles in their relationship like grown adults, or just end it once and for all. Also see that your Mom gets checked out and all that.
Take a deep breath. Shit happens. Sometimes it even rains and pours to a point where it seems almost unrealistic. But you'll always make it through one way or another.
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Ban wrote on 2013-02-21 18:46
Someone being neglectful makes the partner's cheating understandable, but I wouldn't say it justifies it. Nothing is going to get fixed if someone does something bad if the other person goes out and does something worse. I would tell you not to side with him but it's a bit late for that. I wouldn't have sided with either until I had more time to think about it.
In any case, I'd at least try to call your mom and see how she's doing.
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otto wrote on 2013-02-21 18:47
Quote from Mythical Detective Loki X;1036784:
I thought I stated clearly that she was just on farmville all day long?? She didn't cheat.
... then im not understanding how it justified your dad's actions enough for you to side with him? They're two very different things.
Anyway, you should talk to your mom. Im sure she's stressing and needs you right now.
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Taycat wrote on 2013-02-21 18:56
Quote from otto;1036795:
... then im not understanding how it justified your dad's actions enough for you to side with him? They're two very different things.
Anyway, you should talk to your mom. Im sure she's stressing and needs you right now.
I didn't know he was cheating before last night...
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Hanna wrote on 2013-02-21 19:05
Honestly I'd side with him too, even though cheating is wrong, some people don't want to leave their family because they have children with them
this was the case with Josh's dad, his mom and dad were in a sexless, comminicationless marriage but he stayed because he loved his children. He found a woman he fell in love with and was sleeping with her on the side. Josh's mom found out and kicked him out.
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Hanna wrote on 2013-02-21 19:05
Honestly I'd side with him too, even though cheating is wrong, some people don't want to leave their family because they have children with them
this was the case with Josh's dad, his mom and dad were in a sexless, comminicationless marriage but he stayed because he loved his children. He found a woman he fell in love with and was sleeping with her on the side. Josh's mom found out and kicked him out. Divorce is really hard on children, so when a marriage isn't working, many parents feel like they have to stay for their children's sake.
You mom was ignoring him, sure, he shouldn't have cheated, but from what you put it seems like she was causing him a lot of neglect and stress.
Imo Neglecting your partner and cheating are equally evil.
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Ban wrote on 2013-02-22 23:02
Quote from Mythical Detective Loki X;1036807:
I didn't know he was cheating before last night...
Yeah. It's just that the way you said it makes it sound like you thought cheating was justified due to her neglect.