Onse uponne a tyghmeth onne the nite ov Yueltyde, anne uglye olde skullrye maide byeth the nayghme ov Jayne wasse raepdth. Noe-oen kneweth hoo commitedth thae heighnuss acte, ande t'was a worreysome Christesmasse Eav. Butte onne shariffe bye the nayme o' Bigge Jacke seenth ae clueth owysyde the locul stayblse. Wenne hae seeneth thisse grosse crymeth scaen, hae coulde feeleth ae shivur goe downeth hisse spyne. Watte hee seenth wasseth anothure olde mayde bye the naymeth o' Marye withen henne tittse alle ahanged owte andeth herr cunte stucketh withe ae kneif. Jacke puekde innen hisse mowth ande ontoo thae colde wyt snoweth, wenne hae maedth anothur dyscuvrie! Inne the nooly melt'de snowe hae didde seeth anne foote-printeth. Hae cair'fly dreweth thisse foote-printeth onnen hisse handye olde partchmaent ande wente backeth too hisse shyre, wennen hae seene the grisley discuvrie thatte hisse wyghfe hadde bin killde alsoe. Hae scraemdth, "Howe darest thee! Myghne wyghfe wasse alle aigh haddeth!" Enflayghmed withe angur, hae wenteth owt too the locul pubbe. Haer hae metteth a mannesker byteth the nayghme of Litten Willahelme. Willahelme wasseth ae smalle manne hoo lookethed ae bitte lyghke ae rapur. Jacke dinst recugnise thisse 'tille hae notysed the manne'se shoo-printe. T'wase the sameth assen the foote-printe onneth hisse partchmaent! Jacke didde hande-binde Willahelme, ande tooketh too hisse shirenshacken owtsideth the towne. Jacketh didde tor'chur Willahelm inne ae gaye wayeth, ande lefteth hisse butt-hoel inneth ae badde shayghp. Hae didde cryeth, ande confesseth: "Aigh didst raep alle thoese durtye olde skullrye maidesken andeth yoer wyfeth, plaese stoppe yoer shendinge ofen myghne asseth!" Ande Jacke didde fael ae bitte bettar, anden hae tooketh Willahelme downe too the centur-square innen the cittye the nekst mourninge. Hae didst hangeth the durte raypiste, ande evrie-oen cheeredth.
Hoorah!