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Zeo wrote on 2011-09-24 09:12
[SPOILER="Spoiler"]Okay so... this girl whom is my close friend at school, she came back to my school again this year.
But our personality are like... very opposite. She's too talkative, adventurous, and socialize with lot of people, and me... no to all of those.
But yeah... She's trying to get me to socialize with people, and I told her that I'm shy and anti-social person, and it'd be difficult, and she's all like "Oh don't be anti-social, it's easy to not be anti-social" and I also told her that I'm shy, and she went all "GET THAT SHYNESS CRAP OUT OF YOU, seriously" which hurts me a quite bit.
She also doesn't accept the fact that I dislike/hate... pretty much 90% of the sports, such as football, volleyball, basktballs, etc. She really wanted me to watch her games and footballs, so I'm willing to, just to support my school. But yeah she tried to get me to participe in sports, and I continously denied her, saying that I have this genetic problem that made me have hard time to do sports and I don't like it as well.
(for you guys who don't know, I have an syndrome called Usher's Syndrome, it's hard to explain so just google it up to get the idea, and I have bad knee due to me dislocating my knee cap a while ago, so I can't run, or jump well.
But yeah, one interpreter we have, was sharing the story of a girl whom have usher syndrome and she played basketball. Now... my friend went all "OMG SEE?! she have usher syndrome and she played basketball, now go and participe."
Now... few days ago, I recently dropped out pre-calculus class because it was too difficult for me and it will only make my anxiety disorder more worse.
But yeah... she went to me in 6th period class and told me that "I always give up when things get too hard" and such thing. I explained to her that I have stress problems, and she just swatted it away and said it's easy to solve, without any problems... :l[/SPOILER]
Anyway, sorry for my long rant, but yeah... I hate it when people try to peer pressure you, and also doesn't respect the way you are.
What about you guys?
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Chiyuri wrote on 2011-09-24 09:20
It depend.. peer pressure can be for good or bad reason, reality is the sole judge of the result. But I am pretty sure she think of what she's doing as "good". Of course that what she's doing is really "good" or not is a complet other matter.
Personnaly, I use peer presure on those annoying and evil modders of mabinogi to get them to stop cheating their way in the game and affect everyone with it.. I don't see my actions as bad at all, I firmly believe in it. But from a modder's point of view, I am attacking them and they don't think of me in a good way because of it.
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starpaw7 wrote on 2011-09-24 09:20
Can't accept me?
Then why are you even here?
If someone really cannot (or refuses to try) to accept me, yet tries to force and pressure me;
the door is that way. :skip:
Although are you sure she is a close friend?
If she is really bothering you, tell her to stop pushing and stop demeaning you. If she doesn't stop, or even doesn't realize (or accept) the fact that this is insulting to you, then leave her.
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Cynic wrote on 2011-09-24 09:22
People like that act like that because they assume it's a choice when it isn't. People like that have seldom had any reason to be depressed or reclusive, so they think a simple slap on the back and encouragement will magically make someone pop out of their shell.
They also don't seem to know how to butt out of other people's business. My Cousin was the same way-- I told her various times "I'm not like you, nor do I want to be like you. I socialize in my own way, which is more than enough for me." but nope. Apparently everyone craves social attention and needs to have 10-20 friends over constantly in order to be "socially acceptable".
Don't worry, hun. We all have different needs.
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Sumpfkraut wrote on 2011-09-24 10:15
They can bugger off for all I care. Or stay around, but I won't become friends with them most likely.
I really don't care either way as long as they don't pester me with their disagreement.
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Adelynn wrote on 2011-09-24 10:17
If they can't deal with who you are, that's their problem. You already tried explaining your reasons. What kind of friend doesn't listen? It also seems to me like you can't really deal with who she is right now either. Maybe it's a sign. You're not her personal play thing that she can just change for "your own good" which is probably what she's trying to do? It seems that way from what you described, anyway. Either she has to understand that what she's trying to do only makes things worse for you, or you both go your separate ways.
If this were happening to me, I'd say the same thing. I get when they pressure me into something I'm actually capable of, but if there's something I just really can't or don't want to do, they need to let me go about it at my own pace.
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Chockeh wrote on 2011-09-24 10:22
When people wants me to try a smoke, I just say: "OMG THAT'S SO KEWL."
People just comes to accept that I don't want to try their ****.
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Mihari wrote on 2011-09-24 10:27
Frankly, people who can't accept people for who they are can go suck a nut :|
If you don't like how someone is, why do you hang out with them? Don't worry about what she says, Zeo, you're great no matter what she says :3
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Chillax wrote on 2011-09-24 10:32
I try to see if those peoples' opinions are justified, since it's sometimes difficult to look at yourself from an objective perspective. I've even come to like some things I've detested before.
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Kaeporo wrote on 2011-09-24 12:03
I actually care quite a lot about how others view me. Most people show their concern for my well being and I respect that.
Anyone who tries to bully me will suffer clever cynicism and social engineering.
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Yoorah wrote on 2011-09-24 14:37
To me it looks like that girl cares a lot about you and has been trying hard to give you the push you'd need for you to do better in life. I wish I still had friends like that.
As for your actual question, I don't really know. I never felt that there were people who wouldn't accept who I was. Or maybe I just never paid attention to them.
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Cynic wrote on 2011-09-24 15:17
Quote from Yoorah;597727:
To me it looks like that girl cares a lot about you and has been trying hard to give you the push you'd need for you to do better in life. I wish I still had friends like that.
As for your actual question, I don't really know. I never felt that there were people who wouldn't accept who I was. Or maybe I just never paid attention to them.
People like that are annoying, not helpful though. The fact that she doesn't get the point shows that she doesn't care enough to listen and just wants results because she's somehow unaware that things just don't work like she wants them to.
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Strawberry wrote on 2011-09-24 15:30
Rant from me, to you.
[SPOILER="Spoiler"]In my opinion, it seems like she's trying hard to want to give you the will to want to participate in things. Yeah, being shy isn't that good of a thing at times, but you gotta do what you just have to do to overcome it. It doesn't matter if you overcome it with someone else, or overcome it alone.
Pushing you quite a bit may end up being annoying, but at least she cares a lot about you by trying to engage you in activities. Even if you can't run, jump, or whatever so well, it doesn't mean that it's impossible to. If you keep believing something is too hard or impossible to do, you really begin to rub it into yourself and you truly end up believing that.
Honestly, there are more people out there than a circle of friends willing to give you the help you need if anything is too hard for you. Why drop out, though? She said it was easy, maybe you should've asked her to help you out on it? Because she seems to care a mighty lot about you. Just her saying it is easy doesn't really help your anxiety though. But if she knows it and thinks it's easy, she can always confirm she truly knows it by teaching it to someone else in an understandable manner. Besides, we retain like 80~90% of our knowledge more if we can teach it to some else in an understandable manner.
She may be annoying, but if she's really your close friend, then she should be able to understand if you tell her that you want help, because, that's what friends do, right?
If she's really being annoying, then maybe you should tell her off a bit. Sounds like she wants to engage you in other activities and make more friends, because she probably doesn't want you to stay anti-social. Just forcing you to overcome your shyness doesn't really help much, if it feels like she is doing that. It also may make it stressful for you in social situations, and it'll be much harder to overcome.[/SPOILER]
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Phunkie wrote on 2011-09-24 15:58
I might have had a friend like yours when I first moved back here from the Dominican Republic.
STORY OF MY LIFE WITH MY FRIEND:
[SPOILER="Spoiler"]You might not believe it, but I used to be very shy and chubby, and just very unconfident about myself. I had known her for a year before we actually became very close friends. She was very outspoken and completely outgoing, which was the opposite of me, but oh man, she helped me become the person I am today.
She pushed me because she knew I could do it. She was always trying to get me to do thing and be social and even when I told her I was gay, she was supportive of me and helped me a lot. She helped me become confident in myself and I'm really grateful for that.
She'd be hard on me sometimes and I would never tell her that it bothered me. :XD: I was a huge pansy back then. I would keep that inside for days until I would tell her and she would be like, "just be honest with me and always tell me what's on your mind. I won't hate you."
Eventually, things went down a wrong path and I went to college and we would get into a lot of fights. I think I started slowly outgrowing her, you know? And I think she became aware of it too, but she wouldn't do anything to help me save our friendship. She was a good friend, but she was very prideful and ultimately, that's what led to the demise of our friendship. One day, she just pushed me to the edge and I said, no more.
I thank her though. I wouldn't be who I am today without her. I wish her well.[/SPOILER]
Some people come into your life to push you because they know you can do it. They see potential in you and want you to reach that "very best," you know?
As long as she's not completely disrespectful to you, I say go for it. Try. Being anti-social is silly when you get out of that stage and you look back to it. Talk to her, be like, "It's hard for me." Be open with her and she'll be more understanding of you.
Communication makes all types of relationships with people so much easier. I'm glad that she actually wants to help you, instead of pressuring you into drugs or whatnot. This is a good kind of pressure, haha. But of course, if it overwhelms you, stop and talk to your friend.
Tell her to take things slow and if she indeed wants to help you, she will.
Edit: On the whole "who you are" bit, I doubt this is who you really are. haha
Who you are is deep down, beyond all those layers of "shyness" and "awkwardness" that you confront everyday. You just gotta unravel it to discover it.
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starpaw7 wrote on 2011-09-24 16:05
Quote from Yoorah;597727:
To me it looks like that girl cares a lot about you and has been trying hard to give you the push you'd need for you to do better in life. I wish I still had friends like that.
As for your actual question, I don't really know. I never felt that there were people who wouldn't accept who I was. Or maybe I just never paid attention to them.
Quote from Cynic;597794:
People like that are annoying, not helpful though. The fact that she doesn't get the point shows that she doesn't care enough to listen and just wants results because she's somehow unaware that things just don't work like she wants them to.
I do see the good the girl is trying to do, but I agree with the bottom-most post when they said they had the disease, yet she pushes them anyways because someone else did it.
And the fact that she basically insulted them in words, I'm sorry for that Zeo :imdead:
If you do confront them after this, maybe they'll understand what you're trying to say