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Vanessa wrote on 2012-01-25 05:44
Do you guys agree with the following statements? Why?
Statement 1: You can make online relationships work if you care enough to be exclusive to the other. If you truly love the other, then you will make the sacrifices necessary to remain with him or her.
Statement 2: Your so-called luuuuuuuv for your honey 500 miles away never existed if you find your able to fall in “love†with so many others around you.
Statement 3: You only cheat in a relationship if you’re a slut and don’t actually love the person you claim to love.
Statement 4: Swingers are disgusting. Gotta be exclusive to the other. If you’re willing to share your intimacy with another that isn’t your husband or wife then you devalue the entire process.
And hi, I'm vanessa and I'm currently in an online relationship.
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Cucurbita wrote on 2012-01-25 05:49
Nah. Online relationships are more difficult but to say its impossible would be a generalization.
I don't really care to go much deeper than that. We've had this thread before and I think we all can agree its just a slight bit of a handicap to work around, but as long as both parties are serious it works out for most parts.
Some people crave physical presence more than others though, so its really not for everyone, no matter how serious they are.
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Cynic wrote on 2012-01-25 05:54
Keep in mind that every person and therefore relationship is different, so while there are guidelines to long distance relationships, they are not set guidelines. With that in mind..
#1: For the most part, yes. But this doesn't apply to everyone, as sometimes it's better to let go.
#2: Nope. Otherwise that would apply to all other relationships as-well.
#3: In general, or online? Regardless, there are a variety of good reasons to 'cheat'. You're only a slut when you cheat for the sake of screwing another person, not because you are neglected or some other good reason.
#4: I personally think it's stupid and people are built for 1-on-1 relationships otherwise they obviously do not truly care for the other person, but I guess it depends. Some people just prefer a sexual relationship, therefore making my argument invalid.
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Chiyuri wrote on 2012-01-25 05:55
I disagree with all 4.
Why? I don't believe it is humanly possible to only love "One" person. If there really was only "one" person in the entire world you could love... most people wouldn't be able to find that exclusive person. Multiple people can fit into your requirement of "love"....
So exclusivity doesn't seem to be an absolute requirement to me in love. Because of that, I don't see most of those "cheating" case as really cheating. Unless you pledge exclusivity to someone WITH WORDS, going out with other people isn't "Cheating" since it isn't part of the rules of that relationship.
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Juno wrote on 2012-01-25 05:59
Quote from Chiyuri;747827:
I disagree with all 4.
Why? I don't believe it is humanly possible to only love "One" person. If there really was only "one" person in the entire world you could love... most people wouldn't be able to find that exclusive person. Multiple people can fit into your requirement of "love"....
So exclusivity doesn't seem to be an absolute requirement to me in love. Because of that, I don't see most of those "cheating" case as really cheating. Unless you pledge exclusivity to someone WITH WORDS, going out with other people isn't "Cheating" since it isn't part of the rules of that relationship.
Sure you have multiple matches, but the idea is that you're choosing that person over all the other matches. Otherwise, there's not really any difference in the relationship.
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Cynic wrote on 2012-01-25 06:00
Quote from Chiyuri;747827:
I disagree with all 4.
Why? I don't believe it is humanly possible to only love "One" person. If there really was only "one" person in the entire world you could love... most people wouldn't be able to find that exclusive person. Multiple people can fit into your requirement of "love"....
So exclusivity doesn't seem to be an absolute requirement to me in love. Because of that, I don't see most of those "cheating" case as really cheating. Unless you pledge exclusivity to someone WITH WORDS, going out with other people isn't "Cheating" since it isn't part of the rules of that relationship.
Being with only one person in a life-time? No.
Being with only one person at a time? Yes.
This practice is common because it's the most common situation amongst humans; therefore the average norm. Obviously you'll experiment a lot, meet all kinds of people, etc etc. But to say we're not
all meant to stay committed? That's not true.
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RebeccaBlack wrote on 2012-01-25 06:03
1. I agree. If a plane flight or current living situation stands in the way of love, you probably aren't all that into them in the first place.
2. This is debatable. But generally, I agree with it.
3 and 4. I took me a while to realize it, but swingers really aren't so bad. The problem is liars. Cheaters are worthless not because they sleep around, but because they're dishonest, careless people who hurt others and tear people apart because they're too pathetic to go after what they really want. If it isn't obvious yet, I hate them with a passion, but it did take me a while to realize I was hating the wrong thing at first. I hate ****ty people who hurt others due to their own carelessness and refusal to say/go after what they want.
I'm not here to talk about what is and isn't true love, as I find that ridiculous. I will, however, say that people do things differently and it is mandatory that neither person is hurt or betrayed without their consent.
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Juno wrote on 2012-01-25 06:31
The most important thing in an online relationship is honesty, or any relationship really. Just, online you're completely on the honor system. It can work out just fine, but the risk factor is arguably enlarged.
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Sumpfkraut wrote on 2012-01-25 06:36
I'm not monomarous so I disagree with the common premise of all statements (true love must equal exclusive love), therefore I disagree with all statements.
Statement 4 in particular is a load of clearly culturally biased horsecrap though.
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Juno wrote on 2012-01-25 06:38
Quote from Sumpfkraut;747899:
I'm not monomarous so I disagree with the common premise of all statements (true love must equal exclusive love), therefore I disagree with all statements.
What exactly do you mean? Does exclusive love mean 'I can't fall in love with others' or 'I choose to show love only to you'?
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Bride wrote on 2012-01-25 06:41
1) agree, i've been in a ldr going on 5 years now and i have to save up almost $10,000 and move to the UK to make things work, but i'm working on it
2) disagree, before I began liking my significant other I liked a ton of boys. it wasn't until I really fell for him that I stopped paying attention to other males (unless they resembled him)
3) if you cheat, then you don't really love them
4) I see intimacy as something really special so I would never take swinging into consideration, but if it works for other people, good for them I guess
#3: In general, or online? Regardless, there are a variety of good reasons to 'cheat'. You're only a slut when you cheat for the sake of screwing another person, not because you are neglected or some other good reason.
No, cheating is never justified. I don't care if you're being neglected, leave them if you have to, but don't cheat. I actually can't even imagine what "good reasons" you have in mind. cheating is a disgusting, unrespectable thing
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Cynic wrote on 2012-01-25 06:48
Quote from Rigel;747909:
1) agree, i've been in a ldr going on 5 years now and i have to save up almost $10,000 and move to the UK to make things work, but i'm working on it
2) disagree, before I began liking my significant other I liked a ton of boys. it wasn't until I really fell for him that I stopped paying attention to other males (unless they resembled him)
3) if you cheat, then you don't really love them
4) I see intimacy as something really special so I would never take swinging into consideration, but if it works for other people, good for them I guess
No, cheating is never justified. I don't care if you're being neglected, leave them if you have to, but don't cheat. I actually can't even imagine what "good reasons" you have in mind. cheating is a disgusting, unrespectable thing
My Mom was once in an abusive relationship but stayed because he'd have killed her otherwise. She slept with other men because she liked the feeling of closeness and comfort, which was only achievable by such means at the time.
If that's not justified, then I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
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RebeccaBlack wrote on 2012-01-25 06:53
Quote from Cynic;747919:
My Mom was once in an abusive relationship but stayed because he'd have killed her otherwise. She slept with other men because she liked the feeling of closeness and comfort, which was only achievable by such means at the time.
If that's not justified, then I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
Abusive relationships are sort of exempt from most rules because she doesn't really have the
option to leave... There's a huge difference between carelessness and not wanting to die.
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Bride wrote on 2012-01-25 06:55
Quote from Cynic;747919:
My Mom was once in an abusive relationship but stayed because he'd have killed her otherwise. She slept with other men because she liked the feeling of closeness and comfort, which was only achievable by such means at the time.
If that's not justified, then I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
if the relationship was so abusive to the point he could've killed her, surely there was enough evidence for domestic abuse to take to the police
loving your smugness though
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RebeccaBlack wrote on 2012-01-25 07:09
Quote from Rigel;747941:
if the relationship was so abusive to the point he could've killed her, surely there was enough evidence for domestic abuse to take to the police
Let's theoretically assume that he locked her in a basement and there was physically no way for her to escape. Let's also assume she didn't have a cellphone or any contact with the outside world and/or was constantly being watched by him.
There's a point to it that goes beyond Cynic's example.