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Sumpfkraut wrote on 2012-02-18 01:13
Yeah, well, I want to stay mad at someone, but I can't manage to because I love them too much, and am too nice a person, so I really have trouble being able to stop being helpful and nice to them.
Anyone have any ideas? It's rather important.
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Scarlet wrote on 2012-02-18 01:14
[FONT="Times New Roman"]Cut yourself or something, it helps people control their feelings! (I dunno)[/FONT]
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Sumpfkraut wrote on 2012-02-18 01:16
Quote from Scarlet;777488:
[FONT="Times New Roman"]Cut yourself or something, it helps people control their feelings! (I dunno)[/FONT]
I'm not particularly amused. This is a matter that is quite stressful and important to me, so I'd appreciate if the jokes would be cut out completely. It's also why I didn't post it in Bean Rua.
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Cynic wrote on 2012-02-18 01:16
Well, how bad is/are the reason(s) you're mad at them?
The only thing I can think of would be to remind yourself what they did, why it's bad, and therefore why you shouldn't let it slip so easily.
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Hatsunechan wrote on 2012-02-18 01:20
If you really cared about the person it would be hard. I've gone through this a lot with my bf and it's hard to stay mad. If you really want to though you'll basically have to keep reminding yourself what they did to make you mad and force yourself. Blocking/avoiding them might be easier but I'm not sure if you want to go that far. Best would be maybe make up with them >.>
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Scarlet wrote on 2012-02-18 01:21
[FONT="Times New Roman"]Write yourself notes; text/email yourself, write reminders on your calendar? You don't need to stay mad at someone to get back at them or something.[/FONT]
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Sumpfkraut wrote on 2012-02-18 01:21
Quote from Cynic;777493:
Well, how bad is/are the reason(s) you're mad at them?
The only thing I can think of would be to remind yourself what they did, why it's bad, and therefore why you shouldn't let it slip so easily.
A somewhat heavily pronounced and on-going disrespect.
I've been trying that, but I just kind of love them too much to be able to not forgive them. I'm always telling myself "well they've got serious trouble themselves, people just get cranky sometimes in a bad situation". The bad thing is, this is
actually the case so that's even more reason for me to forgive. But I just can't deal with it anymore.
Quote from Scarlet;777497:
[FONT="Times New Roman"]Write yourself notes; text/email yourself, write reminders on your calendar? You don't need to stay mad at someone to get back at them or something.[/FONT]
I don't want to get back at them, I find revenge the most lowly deed, I just want to be able to remain mad at them, and not throw all my dignity and mental health out of the window for loving someone who apparently doesn't quite care so much.
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Excalibur wrote on 2012-02-18 01:22
Try ignoring them. Even if this does not help keep you particularly mad at them, hopefully they will get the message.
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Scarlet wrote on 2012-02-18 01:25
Quote from Sumpfkraut;777498:
A somewhat heavily pronounced and on-going disrespect.
I've been trying that, but I just kind of love them too much to be able to not forgive them. I'm always telling myself "well they've got serious trouble themselves, people just get cranky sometimes in a bad situation". The bad thing is, this is actually the case so that's even more reason for me to forgive. But I just can't deal with it anymore.
[FONT="Times New Roman"]Pretend you're him/her and act the way he/she does.[/FONT]
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Sumpfkraut wrote on 2012-02-18 01:25
Quote from Excalibur;777499:
Try ignoring them. Even if this does not help keep you particularly mad at them, hopefully they will get the message.
It's not about them getting the message, it's about what I wrote above in response to Scarlet.
Quote from Scarlet;777503:
[FONT="Times New Roman"]Pretend you're him/her and act the way he/she does.[/FONT]
:what:
I don't want to turn into an asshole towards them, that's a complete no-go, I just want to build up emotional distance.
I guess it's kind of hard to give good advice for that.
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Cynic wrote on 2012-02-18 01:29
Well if they're disrespecting you, then it's definietly important not to let it slide so easily. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you have with a person-- friendship, romantic relationship, family-- if you're even significantly close, it's vital that the two of you respect eachother.
Obviously people will clash at one time or another, even if it's over something small, but respect is very big in any type of relationship. Even if stems down to pure tolerance. Otherwise it's up to you guys to decide if that/those issue(s) are bigger than your relationship.
Have you talked to them about it yet? Maybe seen what their take on the situation is?
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Episkey wrote on 2012-02-18 01:33
Try actually addressing what is making you mad to that said person.
If it's a matter of disrespect, then perhaps they simply aren't aware of it?
Of course, you know more about the situation better than all of us - but I don't think being plain mad at them is healthy for you.
If they do recognize what they are doing, they might also just be trying to take advantage of you.
Simply trying to not be in contact with said person should be enough of a solution.
I know how difficult it can be, especially when you love that individual. I tend to be a forgiving person, but if they don't want to cease disrespecting you ... then I don't think there's anything else you can do. Getting "mad" at them won't change anything, also since you've already expressed difficultly doing so.
Therefore, I personally don't think staying mad at them would help you or your situation.
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Scarlet wrote on 2012-02-18 01:33
Quote from Sumpfkraut;777504:
:what:
I don't want to turn into an asshole towards them, that's a complete no-go, I just want to build up emotional distance.
I guess it's kind of hard to give good advice for that.
[FONT="Times New Roman"]If it's that bad, the just avoid whenever possible, never make eye contact, and generally keep yourself looking busy and occupied. That's all I can really think of...[/FONT]
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Sumpfkraut wrote on 2012-02-18 01:35
Quote from Cynic;777508:
Have you talked to them about it yet? Maybe seen what their take on the situation is?
I've been mentioning it a few times (
through the back-door, admittedly), but they haven't been particularly talkative. I might try it again over the course of the next week, and this time with a bit more pressure, but I'm not sure how it'd work out, as my mood can swing quite heavily either way (
loving and mad), and because of certain circumstances an escalation wouldn't be very useful. Probably would've already done it if it wasn't for that.
Maybe I'll just have to go through with it. Or maybe this time enough
actually is enough and I can stop being emotionally dependent on their good will.
Quote from Episkey;777512:
but I don't think being plain mad at them is healthy for you.
I guess "mad" was a sort of strong term, I don't really know a weaker word that expresses what I want to say though.
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Bride wrote on 2012-02-18 01:37
if they're aware of how you feel about what they're doing and continue doing it anyway, I'd just stop talking to them for a good while
if you don't care about how I feel, why should I even bother to talk or spend time with you
they'll know something's up o_o