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RicochetOrange wrote on 2010-07-12 19:12
EDIT: ****ing iPhone. It put stars instead of spaces.
How is my writing? This is a scene for a story idea. Basically there is a rebellion against the king and a group of villans comes in and takes the throne. It's strongly influnced by anime aswell as fantasy novels and stuff.
And*there*they*were.*As*we*entered*the*throne*room,*much*to*our*suprise,*the*king*was*nowhere*to*be*seen,*instead,*sitting*in*the*throne,*was*a*small*bald*man*in*a*white*coat*and*large*glasses.*Around*and*all*behind*him,*were*30*knights*of*all*shapes*and*sizes.*Some*large,*some*strong,*some*female,*all*armed*with*weapons,*and*all*looking*straight*at*our*small*group.*The*small*bald*man*stood*up,*he*wore*black*pants*and*black*shoes.*His*glasses*shined*in*the*light*coming*from*the*small*windows.*He*smiled*and*raised*his*hands,*he*held*the*kings*septere*and*crown.*Our*rebellion*had*failed,*this*man*had*killed*the*king.*The*knight*standing*next*to*him*stepped*forward.*His*armor*was*rusty*and*dull,*it*was*even*missing*sections,*which*he*covered*with*white*cloth.*The*small*decorational*tip*on*the*top*of*his*helmet*was*broken,*and*there*was*more*white*cloth*wrapped*around*his*head.*He*looked*blind,*and*injured,*obviously*not*someone*who*should*be*involved*in*battle.*The*knight*raised*his*hand*and*spoke.
"I*am*Waltz,*the*Audio*Knight,*under*the*order*of*Doctor*before*you.*You*wish*to*challenge*the*Doctor,*then*I*must*first*test*you*abilities!*Come!*Show*me*your*strength!"
Then*we*attacked,*swords*and*arrows*flying.*I*don't*know*how*it*happened,*but*every*one*of*our*attacks*missed,*he*took*the*small*handbell*off*of*his*belt,*and*with*one*small*movement*of*his*arm,*everything*went*black.*The*first*rebellion*was*over.*It*was*now*time,*for*a*second*one.
/attemptatredeemingmyself
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Cannibal wrote on 2010-07-12 19:13
Ifhu.
IN OTHER WORDS, PLEASE REMOVE THE ASTERISKS.
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Zeel wrote on 2010-07-12 19:14
Is this a joke? What is with all the stars? do you think writing is like decorating? Put a bunch of glittery shit everywhere? This better be a joke or I am going to really leave this forum.
The writing itself is subpar. learn what the English language is. Then learn what writing is. Then come back here.
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Chockeh wrote on 2010-07-12 19:15
This hurts my eyes when I started reading.
WHAT*IS*WITH*ALL*THE**?*
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Hiccup wrote on 2010-07-12 19:18
>:I You fail at redeeming yourself
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RicochetOrange wrote on 2010-07-12 19:19
I was to cuss out this thing so much right now. I put SPACES IN THE ******* thing. And it put ****** ******* stars instead.
*************DAMNIT!
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Chockeh wrote on 2010-07-12 19:20
Ricochet, redeeming yourself is near impossible now.
You may have a little spark in doing so.
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Zeel wrote on 2010-07-12 19:24
Lol. iphones. serves you right, pretentious teenager.
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Sarevok wrote on 2010-07-12 19:27
Quote from Zeel;90751:
Lol. iphones. serves you right, pretentious teenager.
What's wrong with iPhones?
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Mario wrote on 2010-07-12 19:27
iPhones are awesome... Only yours is fked up..
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Zeel wrote on 2010-07-12 19:32
You mean the device that has craptastic touchscreen, short battery time, faulty hardware, are only usable with A&Tfuckmeover, too wide for my pockets, and easily breakable? And lets not forget. 400+ dollars?
Yeah, whats wrong with iPhones indeed.
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Chockeh wrote on 2010-07-12 19:32
Yeah, iPhones are awesome :D.
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Cannibal wrote on 2010-07-12 19:33
$400 iPhones? Where are you looking? o-o
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Hiccup wrote on 2010-07-12 19:34
Quote from Zeel;90793:
Yeah, whats wrong with iPhones indeed.
Everything. Which is why you get a droid.
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Sarevok wrote on 2010-07-12 19:42
Quote from Zeel;90793:
You mean the device that has craptastic touchscreen, short battery time, faulty hardware, are only usable with A&Tfuckmeover, too wide for my pockets, and easily breakable? And lets not forget. 400+ dollars?
Yeah, whats wrong with iPhones indeed.
It has a good quality touchscreen, decent battery time, faulty hardware is only existent in the newer models, the AT&T thing is subject to change (if it hasn't already) or has a jailbreaking alternative, it's not that wide, only really breakable if you try to break it on purpose.
Now, I'll give you the price tag, but that's changing also.