Quote from Iljimae;1023912:
I've noticed with relationships and marriage that often times rather than letting their partner live the life that they were previously going to lead before they came along, they want that person to make sacrifices so the relationship works. They want to be with them, even if that means the person sacrifices some of their previous goals. I am not speaking against this, but rather recognize it's a key aspect to making a relationship work, since as I stated already- a love and relationship based in appreciation is hard to find. It's often something you see with best friends, rather than those in a romantic partnership. This doesn't coincide with how I want to live my life, my values and my willingness to sacrifice what I'm hoping to accomplish. I'm not willing to become just another persons half in a relationship, often times that's what happens when people settle down. They become a wife and a mother - they have to give up a part of themselves to make the relationship, marriage and family work.
Which leads me back to being unfair. I feel it would be extremely irresponsible of myself and unfair to enter a marriage or even a relationship where the person expects me to meet them halfway and I am unable to. I myself, am not interested in possessing someone in the sense of restricting their goals so that we can start a family. If I got married I would want the person I love to continue working towards their goals and to be able to watch them live as the person I fell in love with rather than restricting them, even if that meant I wouldn't always get to be around them. A part of me believes finding such an appreciative love in partnership might step into the realm of being too idealistic.
This might actually be more than just idealistic. To me, being in love means accepting someone completely, good and bad parts together. What you describe as wanting in the relationship sounds like it will either have to be someone who has basically the same outlook in life- which might even mean you will not see each other for months while you two work towards different things, or someone who will live his life only for you and from the start has wanted that.
To me, that is too convenient a relationship. It is about exploring the different sides of each other and being willing to work towards a life together that defines love. No matter how unconvential it may be, it is the choice of the people in the relationship. So if you find someone like that and both of you are happy, good for you.
But if you'd rather not restrict them, I don't see any relationships that last, because being in love and spending time in itself restricts them. They do things they would usually not do, because of your sheer presense. This is the same not just for romantic partners, but anyone who leaves an impact in your life. If they actually do not do this, then it's a self-interest based relationship where they stay because of convenience, and possibly one of the most selfish and sad things ever. Try imagining a person like that, can you even call them more than an acquaintance if they do just what they always do for anyone, even if it is good things? Would you truly be a friend to them, or just a stranger? Hell, even just meeting strangers can change your life. If there is anyone who loves you enough to spend their life with you, of course they change from the person they used to be.
I guess the defining character for me would be the desire to stay together and work on overcoming any hurdles life may place in the path and ultimately doing so, while appreciating the partner enough to respect their decisions and actions in general but being just possessive enough to keep them in your life. I think possessive and restrict are the not the best words to use in this context either, but I have no alternatives to offer. They have too much of a negative touch to them for me.
Goals are not meant to be static either. Life is about the change, the adaptation. The pursuit of happiness. Prioritizing things. As such I think that as long everyone in a relationship is happy, why does it matter what one had to sacrifice when another did not? We make decisions like that every day in a minor scale, choosing to skip breakfast because we would be late to school for example. As new things come into your life, you accept them and especially for major things, reevaluate your current goals and priorities.
Quote from Iljimae;1024079:
I thought the same when I saw the video. It is a wonderful concept pitfalls aside. My main reasoning for sharing the video is because I feel the questions "What do you desire?" and "What experiences will allow you to feel as though you lived an authentic life?" are very important. The pursuit of rational self-interest is an interesting topic and perhaps one all of us need to consider.
The desire to live a happy life, which I think drives everyone in one way or another. Possibly simple, which gets increasingly harder in the current times.
And to me, there will never be special experiences that make me feel authentic. It is because a long time ago I came to the conclusion that life in itself is about embracing everything that happens to you. Be it good or bad, I would face it all or break in the process. I will naturally prefer happy things over sad things and prioritize happiness, but especially the sad parts are what make you appreciate the happy parts more- after you get out of depression.
Living itself should be enough to create an authentic life. I don't think there is any less or more authentic lives either. Life just is, labeling it like that seems to be an insult to it.