Being gay in high school.

• mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-02 20:05
  Hello nation, as you may or may not know, I'm gay. As for my predicament in real life, I'm not entirely out, I've only told a few people that I trust, and they handled it fine. But, recently, I've been considering coming out fully, as in, being gay in high school, and knowing my high school, once I tell one person, everyone would know in about 10-15 minutes. However, this concerns me a bit, I've dealt with bullshit before, but I feel like doing this would brew a shitstorm to come my way, and my high school does come across as homophobic and 'southern' sometimes. So I was wondering, to all of you out there who are gay or know someone who is gay, what was it like for you/them being gay in high school, or how are you treated being openly gay now? Thanks.
  
  [UB]TLDR; Thinking about coming out completely, wondering what it's like/looking for advice. [/UB]
• Claudia wrote on 2013-06-02 20:31
  Everyone that I know that has come out in my high school seems to be okay - that being said, I went to a small, suburban, upper-class white liberal Northeastern public high school. The vast majority of people are extremely tolerant, and those who aren't are smart enough to keep that to themselves. One of my friends decided to wait until after our last day of high school to come out as genderqueer, but I thought it was awesome how many people were supportive of hir.
  
  I really can't say what it's like given that I'm straight and brought up in a very liberal/understanding world, but please don't feel pressured to declare to the world that you're gay. It isn't anyone else's business - if you don't feel comfortable doing so, you don't have to. But where exactly do you live? You mentioned that your school is 'Southern' but do you live in the South? You definitely have to consider your environment and you've done that. I would be very cautious with who you tell, no matter what you decide to do.
  
  (whatever you do, I can't speak for everyone but I can speak for myself and nation overall, but we're here for you!)
• mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-02 20:46

  Quote from Claudia;1099790:

  Everyone that I know that has come out in my high school seems to be okay - that being said, I went to a small, suburban, upper-class white liberal Northeastern public high school. The vast majority of people are extremely tolerant, and those who aren't are smart enough to keep that to themselves. One of my friends decided to wait until after our last day of high school to come out as genderqueer, but I thought it was awesome how many people were supportive of hir.
  
  I really can't say what it's like given that I'm straight and brought up in a very liberal/understanding world, but please don't feel pressured to declare to the world that you're gay. It isn't anyone else's business - if you don't feel comfortable doing so, you don't have to. But where exactly do you live? You mentioned that your school is 'Southern' but do you live in the South? You definitely have to consider your environment and you've done that. I would be very cautious with who you tell, no matter what you decide to do.
  
  (whatever you do, I can't speak for everyone but I can speak for myself and nation overall, but we're here for you!)

  
  
  I don't really feel pressured to come, I'd just like to be able to undergo the normal dating experience that the other kids my age are entitled to. I view it like this, on the up side, I'll only be in high school for 2 more years, and after that, I'll pretty much forget the majority of people I've met through grade school (Besides close friends). Also, I'm already openly atheist at my rather conservative school, so I imagine that anyone who would dislike me for being gay already dislikes me for being atheist. On the downside, yes, of course I'd have to deal with some shit and it would make my life harder, but maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I think it would be and I'm just being a tad bit pessimistic. Another thing that worries me is that friends may not support me, I know if they are truely my friends they will, but I still worry about it a tad bit. I just don't think anyone imagines me as gay, because I don't seem feminine, I'm a tall, large framed guy with a pretty deep voice and a decent amount of masculinity, and everyone I've told has been surprised. But anyway, thank you for your support and it is appreciated ^^
• Claudia wrote on 2013-06-02 21:02
  Then in that case, I don't see the harm in it. I say go for it, but then again, easy for me to say since it's you and not me.
• mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-02 21:04

  Quote from Claudia;1099806:

  Then in that case, I don't see the harm in it. I say go for it, but then again, easy for me to say since it's you and not me.

  Well, it's almost summer, if I do, I'll just wait till the start of next year. But I'm considering it, I can always ask my sister what she thinks on it since she knows I'm gay and we go to the same school.
• Eyeoftiger wrote on 2013-06-02 21:41
  Got your nice cup of tea ready and your favorite jazz playing? Because this is the long story of me coming out in 8th grade and going through my Freshman year of High School in middle Georgia. I do this in hopes that you'll get the perspective of someone who's gone through a similar situation.
  
  It all started when I moved to Bumhum, Georgia (that's not the real name, but I can't write properly without at least referencing it.) Bumhum is a small town, with a crappy internet monopoly from ComSouth and a house to church ratio of 6:1. I went to Bumhum Middle School for my 8th grade year, fully convinced I was a straight, self-aware and very rational adolescent. I'm very tolerant of all races, creeds, sexual identifications, orientations, religions, all that hullabaloo.
  
  Like any adolescent boy I watched (still do) porn, and through some misclicks and awkward boners, deduced that I was one of teh gays. Okay, what do I do now?
  
  So I let it simmer, and in an effort to convince myself I wasn't I got myself a gal. Our whole relationship lasted the first half of 8th grade year and I finally got tired of the whiny little [SIZE="1"]bitch[/SIZE] and decided I'm through.
  
  This is the part of the story where I could have turned back, just said the chick was crazy, and gone through the last two years of my life smoothly. If I had a chance to, would I? Hell no.
  
  
  I came out in the 2nd of 3 lunches, that were situated halfway through the school day. By the beginning of the last class period, the entire school was well aware that a kid named "David" was gay. There was another kid at my school named David who was out sick that day, the poor guy. He got 23 facebook messages asking him if he was gay. I got none, which goes to show the skyrocketing of attention I got as the only gay kid at Bumhum Middle School. At this point I had not told any members of my family: my dad, mother, or sister who was currently at Bumhum High School.
  
  My sister found out 2 weeks later because of two kids gossiping about a kid coming out at Bumhum High School, she was cool with it. Although I am currently mad at her for eating MY ice cream that I SPECIFICALLY CALLED at the grocery store, but I digress.
  
  My mother found out 3 weeks after that when she had me reading from the Book of Psalms. I said "Mom, I have something to tell you." She guessed I was an atheist. While I could have told her at this point I was an agnostic, I decided to let that news come later. I came out to her. She cried and said I wasn't gay.
  At this point I should say that my mother is convinced that people in Arizona are convincing my butch lesbian sister who lives there (not the one in high school) to turn herself into a man. I have yet to tell her I am accepting of transgender or genderqueer people.
  Anyways, I was so bummed by her behavior I decided not to tell my dad, who is far more accepting than her, yet is uncomfortable with talking about it.
  
  Anyways, 8th grade year went fine, I made high honors, 'graduation' had a whole speech about god and stuff, whoop-de-doo.
  
  Then comes High School!
  
  High School starts off with my 1st period teacher, a World Affairs teacher who is notoriously bad at his job, pointing me out and asking me if I had a girlfriend yet.
  "Uhh...I'm not exactly interested in a girlfriend"
  At this point the four people from my school in my class are looking at me like "OH MY GOD"
  "Well we'll be sure to get you one. Which girls do you like?"
  "Uhh.........."
  He, thankfully, interjects and says we'll figure it out later before moving on.
  
  Other than that, the first day goes by well. High School goes fine, and I join One Act, a play in one act about anything, that our school competes with other schools in Georgia (we came in 2nd in the state) On the set I become friends with a chick and it's more of frenemies, we bash each other but enjoy one another's company. The entire cast and crew were convinced I was her boyfriend, until the country-girl (which also translates into preppy and popular at my school) lead asks us when we're going to go out. I tell her never because I'm gay, and she freaks out and asks if I want to be her best friend.
  
  This wasn't my first meeting with a 'fag-hag' but it was the most prominent. She constantly bickered me about what shoes to wear and such, of which I have no clue (though I do pride myself on an extensive knowledge of men's styles) or care.
  I'm not saying it's bad to be a femmy guy, but I sincerely recommend not being friends with chicks just because they want the stereotypical "gay-best friend"
  And since I'm off the story, I'd also like to point out if I'm asked one more freaking time if I've seen Glee, I'm going to kill someone. Yes I know they have people who are gay on the show, and I'll get around to seeing if it's legitimately enjoyable; but I don't want to see anymore goddamn pictures of some guy named Kurt!
  
  Back to the story, High School's going pretty good until I meet the jackass above my locker. Well, not my locker, but the locker of my ex-girlfriend (the one I dated that was whiny little [SIZE="1"]bitch[/SIZE]? Yeah, we're decent enough friends now.) which I shared with her because mine never opened. I'm not very space consuming; I carried one binder and only needed the locker to get a textbook before biology 2nd period (my biology teacher was also a heartless she-devil, but once again, I digress.) I was getting my textbook when I was pushed face first into the lockers. I back away and accidentally knock down the person who did it. I look and it is by definition the most redneck-looking person I have ever seen. He says "Why the hell did you do that faggot?"
  
  Listen, I don't care much about the word faggot. It doesn't rile me up when it's used as a derogatory tone. I do tell my friends that if they say it again they get the gruesome history behind the word faggot, or an ethical lecture on using "gay" as a derogatory term; but other that, it's just a word.
  Of course, when bumhum-redneck billy-joe mcdumbass says it, things change.
  
  I tell him to screw off and don't push me into my locker, and he decides to get in my face as my biology teacher returns from the copier room. I'm saved, right? No, because bumhum-redneck billy-joe mcdumbass is apparently her son.
  
  I'm whisked away to the principals office and threatened with in school suspension.
  I'm scared as hell because first and foremost I am a nerd who wants to go places, I'm intimidated so I'm pleading for my life to this dude. Looking back, I would have told the principal that the mother's bias to her son impaired her ability to be a fair and balanced educator and mentor and if he didn't atleast take into consideration the fact that maybe the 120 pound white nerd can't really physically bully a 300 pound roid-raging bull of a junior I'd be coming back with some more than adequate legal attacks.
  Of course, I was scared as mess, and pleaded for my life.
  
  My mom was mad at me when I got home because my sister had told her the story and she thought I was "flaunting my homosexuality."
  Yes, because I go around school in latex and signs for gay pride, obviously.
  My dad hears the racket, picks up the words "flaunt" and "gay" and "fag" and realizes who my mom's yelling at. And that's how I involuntarily came out to my dad. He was pretty cool about it though.
  
  
  Other than that, I nothing much happened. When first semester results came back I was top of my class with a gpa of 99.857 (weighted, they actually count in electives which is bullshit)
  I had two other encounters with gay guys. A senior who was REALLY femmy, who's car was absolutely trashed and tried to sloppily kiss me, and a junior who's in the closet because of his parents who thinks all gay guys want to get in his pants.
  The only other gay guy I know of is a guy who's in the closet and thinks no one knows (everyone does,) who I've yet to actually be friends with.
  Also there is a huge amount of lesbians at my school, which pisses me off because I'm sure there's just as many gay dudes but they're all probably afraid to come out.
  
  I've had my fair share of gay comments, I've heard that I'm a frequent topic of conversation still, and I'm top of my class. I'm also a hit at dances, being the guy you want to keep checking on, but the only two a year are homecoming and prom :(
  
  Also, my middle school went to an STD awareness-thingy and when the announcer talked about the story of a closeted gay guy who gave AIDS to a bunch of dudes everyone looked at me. But he said that we needed to be more accepting of them coming out, so it wasn't all bad.
  
  I'm currently on summer break, training for Cross Country for Sophomore year, and I'm openly gay.
  
  That's my story so far!
  
  If I had to give you one piece of advice, it would be to realize that people will hate you for any freaking reason, being gay just adds to an infinitely long list of things people can and will hate you for. But never, ever, let being gay get added to the list of reasons people should like you. Being gay is not a social status or perk, it doesn't mean anything other than you rather have dude in your bed than a chick.
  
  So either stay in the closet or come out, up to you because it's your life.
• mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-02 21:59

  Quote from Eyeoftiger;1099820:

  Well, read the entire story, and doesn't seem like things went that bad. Seems somewhat similar to my situation, as I literally don't know a single gay guy at my school and my town is rather conservative, and I'm also a nerd. But, reading your story does make it seem like I'm overreacting as to what will happen if I come out, so thanks for that bit of insight.
• Eirys wrote on 2013-06-03 02:50
  I never came out in high school, it's no ones business to be completely honest. I don't wanna say I was popular, but pretty much everyone knew me in High School so I didn't really want to have unnecessary drama in my life.
• Ninjam wrote on 2013-06-03 03:41
  Hang out with the right people, and everything will be fine.
  Hang out with the wrong people and you end up like my sister, dropping out freshmen year and getting pregnant at 16.
  
  Sexuality isn't something that needs to be flaunted. Find a nice group of friends and tell them when it seems right, is what I would do.
  I can't talk from experience cause I'm straight, but I live in one of those "Southern" states (Missouri) and in general if you hang out with the right people you won't have a problem. My friends were the Theater Groups and the Anime Club(where I met all of my friends pretty much).
• Q wrote on 2013-06-03 04:34
  Some guy came out in our school a while ago if I recall correctly. Nothing happened and no one really talked much about it. Mainly people going oh. etcetc. Then again, the community I went to school in is pretty tolerant of these things and no one really gives you shit about it. But it really just depends on what kind of community you go to school in imo...You might be openly received in one and openly bashed on in another. So you'll have to assess your situation and decide afterwards I guess. Good luck on whatever choice you go with though.
• SnowyJakk wrote on 2013-06-03 04:53
  Well since I read a few of these, I may as well tell my experience with this stuff.
  
  Back in middle school in my grade 8 year, I realized I am gay and I thought it was a bad thing to share with people because of the hate comments that came from everyone in my school (this is what happens in crappy neighborhoods) People already 'thought' I was gay because of my "girly looks" and "feminine figure" (Hate being trappish) so I thought I'd keep it to myself. I ended up meeting a guy I kinda liked in my class and ended up being his friend, things were great until about 7 months in. I decided to tell him about my sexuality because he was really someone I could confide to without consequence. (Worst idea ever) He felt weird around me ever since I came out to him and things just went downhill. People in my school were bullying me, my own homeroom class were saying mean things about me in ear shot, shoulder check me in the hallways, and it got to the point where I got pushed into lockers for no reason.
  
  Grade 9 hit and I started going to highschool, I had moved during the summer because of my grandfather's passing and my mom's divorce so it was me, my mom and grandma, and my brother. All was fine because I kept to myself, and nobody knew me. That was, until I saw one of the guys from my home room last year transfer into my english class. I decided to leave him be, I thought he was just one of those bandwagon hoppers who do what everyone else does. I was dead wrong. At the end of my phys ed. class, I was leaving the change room after changing and this is all I can hear, "Jakk (Last name) is a faggot! coming from that same guy. Nobody cared except him. (This neighborhood was in the good area of the city I moved to) For the next 2 months I had to endure that guys abuse in gym/english, and in the hallways. After the second month of this passed, I got sick of it and requested to have my english blocks and PE blocks switched so I could get away from him. Ofcourse I got rejected becuase it was midway through the semester so I was basically SOL. I couldn't go to mom about this because she didn't know about my gayness, Grandma was a giant NO-NO. my brother would go loudmouth and tell everyone he could tell. I had nobody to talk to about my problem. About a month later my mom received a phone call from my designated councellor (I know I can't spell) (I also heard the phone call because it was on speaker as mom was driving. I could never forget that phone call... The phone call in question was and I quote, "Hi, this is (councellors name) from Terry Fox Secondary. I have recently heard that your son Jakk (last name) was and is currently being bullied. I have seen him with bruises lately on his arms and sometimes his face. Before I continue on, your son is gay." (stopping quote there no useful info from the rest of it) I was shocked for the rest of the call. I said nothing at all while my mom was sobbing. As we went home, mom went to her room, I went to mine and I was trying to figure out what the hell just happened. A few hours later my mom came to my room and asked me if I'm really gay or if this was just some sick rumor. I told her it's true and that the councellor is a bitch. She just nodded and left the room. Around the end of the semester mom was harping at my grandma to move to surrey (very very baaad city) [S]Because of a guy she wanted to live closer to.[/S] At this point I just didn't care anymore and just lived my grade 10, and grade 11 (failed due to illness and hospital stay) years acting as if I were mute so nobody would find out anything about me. Those 2 years were I guess better in these standards. Now I am having a great time repeating Grade 11 (Failure due to Hospital sucks), My friends are accepting, and I guess the only downside are the fag-hags called the Gay-Straight Alliance who want to be my "friend" and even then, I'm not being beaten badly atleast.
  
  TL;DR: Grade 8, came out, bullied by homeroom class (everyone), grade 9 bully transferred to the same school I transferred to and councellor outed me, mom made family move to surrey (bad city) and I made myself a total mute until around sept. 2012. Now I'm having a great time at school with Real friends. downside: the fag-hags who pursue me for my gayness D:
• mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-03 10:11
  I know if I came out at my high school I'd get shit for it, at least from some, but in the end, I'm sure it would have it's ups and downs. Worst case scenario I just wait until college if I don't want to deal with intolerant people, still wondering if it would be for better or for worse though.
• mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-03 22:29
  You guys say fag-hags are actually an issue when you come out, are they that prudent? o_o
• SnowyJakk wrote on 2013-06-03 23:45

  Quote from mageisfun;1100374:

  You guys say fag-hags are actually an issue when you come out, are they that prudent? o_o

  
  
  Quite so, they only want to be your friend not because of your personality, but because of your sexual preference. It's really shallow and pathetic that fag-hags try to befriend gay people just because they want someone to go shopping with or to try to "convert them" which I believe is total BS. >_>
• Valkyrio wrote on 2013-06-04 00:16

  Quote from mageisfun;1100374:

  You guys say fag-hags are actually an issue when you come out, are they that prudent? o_o

  
  
  It's fairly rare, IMO, the girls who I've come across that actually act like this tend to out of a need to be more social, rather than to be closer to someone who's gay. They can be misguided, but sometimes it's their way of saying "I accept you."
  
  If you're popular, prepare to answer a lot of questions.
  
  If you're not out to your family or other people you would rather not know, don't "come out."
  
  And finally, coming out is less of an announcement and more of an anti-lie. Instead of telling everyone you're gay, you should just stop lying about it when it comes up (or if you've actively lied about it to someone, tell the truth to them.) There's nothing more annoying than an obviously gay kid telling everyone he's gay right after (or sometimes before) meeting them.
  
  Also, prepare to have some random enemies. Some of them might be people who avoid you, others might actually be somewhat aggressive about it.