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mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-04 01:52
Quote from Valkyrio;1100451:
It's fairly rare, IMO, the girls who I've come across that actually act like this tend to out of a need to be more social, rather than to be closer to someone who's gay. They can be misguided, but sometimes it's their way of saying "I accept you."
If you're popular, prepare to answer a lot of questions.
If you're not out to your family or other people you would rather not know, don't "come out."
And finally, coming out is less of an announcement and more of an anti-lie. Instead of telling everyone you're gay, you should just stop lying about it when it comes up (or if you've actively lied about it to someone, tell the truth to them.) There's nothing more annoying than an obviously gay kid telling everyone he's gay right after (or sometimes before) meeting them.
Also, prepare to have some random enemies. Some of them might be people who avoid you, others might actually be somewhat aggressive about it.
Yeah, I realize this. But I have already told my family, and they are fine with it. I know there will be people who don't like it, but whatever. I guess when it comes up, I'll just stop lying about it. Might be a bit awkward with my friends though, they think I'm 110% hetero because I don't seem like a "stereotypical gay guy" so I'll tackle them in the hallway and they'll act fake gay and give me hugs and stuff. So might seem a bit weird, but whatever, though any advice on this? Would be appreciated.
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Jedo wrote on 2013-06-04 02:15
Well in my opinion you don't have to full on come out. But you know if someone asks you why not just be like : And?
That is an easy way to tell some people. Also I suggest that you are prepared, which I think you are for hate from others.
Although I didn't fully come out, my friend was talking to me at my locker asking if I liked anyone ( knows I am gay ) and asked if I saw any cute guys yet. I was like no laughing with her and this kid near us came up to me and called me a faggot. He pushed me against the locker. I guess I wasn't ready to handle hate, but I guess I was defending myself for him shoving me but I flipped around and rammed him into the locker making him drop. He left me alone at least. ;-;
But I guess what I am saying is you don't have to parade down the halls shouting who you are. If you end up telling a couple people at school it is going to get around so don't worry to much when people make fun, and do not act how I did. Those people that make fun are in the wrong not you.
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Valkyrio wrote on 2013-06-04 02:19
Quote from mageisfun;1100497:
Yeah, I realize this. But I have already told my family, and they are fine with it. I know there will be people who don't like it, but whatever. I guess when it comes up, I'll just stop lying about it. Might be a bit awkward with my friends though, they think I'm 110% hetero because I don't seem like a "stereotypical gay guy" so I'll tackle them in the hallway and they'll act fake gay and give me hugs and stuff. So might seem a bit weird, but whatever, though any advice on this? Would be appreciated.
If they think you're hetero just because of your looks, when the topic comes up, just tell them. But if they've asked before, and you've lied (and they're your close friends) it's best to tell them instead of waiting.
The bit about you tackling them and fake gay acting might get you some bad reactions though. Specially if some of them are homophobic straight people (and funny enough, some people don't know they're homophobic until someone that has touched them turns out to be gay.)
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mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-04 02:22
Quote from Jedo;1100504:
Well in my opinion you don't have to full on come out. But you know if someone asks you why not just be like : And?
That is an easy way to tell some people. Also I suggest that you are prepared, which I think you are for hate from others.
Although I didn't fully come out, my friend was talking to me at my locker asking if I liked anyone ( knows I am gay ) and asked if I saw any cute guys yet. I was like no laughing with her and this kid near us came up to me and called me a faggot. He pushed me against the locker. I guess I wasn't ready to handle hate, but I guess I was defending myself for him shoving me but I flipped around and rammed him into the locker making him drop. He left me alone at least. ;-;
But I guess what I am saying is you don't have to parade down the halls shouting who you are. If you end up telling a couple people at school it is going to get around so don't worry to much when people make fun, and do not act how I did. Those people that make fun are in the wrong not you.
Well, I know I don't have to run around the halls with jazz fingers being like "Who's gay? This guy!" But, I'm sure once one person knows, everyone will know. And I'm sure some people will try to push me against the locker or whatever, but I'll defend myself if necessary in such scenarios.
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mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-04 02:24
Quote from Valkyrio;1100512:
If they think you're hetero just because of your looks, when the topic comes up, just tell them. But if they've asked before, and you've lied (and they're your close friends) it's best to tell them instead of waiting.
The bit about you tackling them and fake gay acting might get you some bad reactions though. Specially if some of them are homophobic straight people (and funny enough, some people don't know they're homophobic until someone that has touched them turns out to be gay.)
I wasn't acting, I just don't seem 'gay', I like messing around with my friends and joking them and the norm. I'm just as masculine as any heterosexual, so people assume I am one.
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Valkyrio wrote on 2013-06-04 02:50
Quote from mageisfun;1100522:
I wasn't acting, I just don't seem 'gay', I like messing around with my friends and joking them and the norm. I'm just as masculine as any heterosexual, so people assume I am one.
It's that messing around that people might be upset about. Some of them may feel insecure about the joking. They might read into it and wonder if you tickled them just to be close to them or something.
Also...lose the 'straight acting' and 'masculine as a hetero' stuff. I know what you mean, but, the majority of gay people aren't exactly flamboyant. Orientation doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how flamboyant/butch you are.
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mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-04 02:56
Quote from Valkyrio;1100550:
Also...lose the 'straight acting' and 'masculine as a hetero' stuff. I know what you mean, but, the majority of gay people aren't exactly flamboyant. Orientation doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how flamboyant/butch you are.
Yeah, I know it doesn't, but people seem to associate with such, so I assume my friends think I'm straight based off of this association and the fact that everyone I've told so far has been surprised, which just makes me feel like awkwardness shall erupt when I tell them. One thing I don't get though is, many people think that gay guys are gonna be attracted to all gays, and more specifically, them, I never understood why they think this.
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Locke wrote on 2013-06-09 04:20
Can't honestly say I read the whole thread, can't concentrate long enough when my brain is as fried as it feels right now. Anyway, I live in the south, but I guess I was lucky enough to be born and raised, and still live in, the one hippie town I know of in the south, Asheville, NC. So, through out my whole school life, being gay wasn't a huge deal to anyone, plenty of openly gay people all around, as well as goth, emo, scene, and all the other "cliche cliques" and such. At my high school, there was even a pretty well supported "S.T.R.I.D.E." program, or gay-straight alliance as most people called it there. I, myself am bi-sexual, though I wouldn't say I'm either open or closeted about it. I don't particularly try to hide it, but I don't just go around spouting it out like a kid with tourettes and a closet full of skeletons. I mean, if you consider not telling people being "closeted," you could say I am, I just don't believe it has much bearing on anything, and it just seems to me to be more of a cry for attention to just go around openly saying "oh I'm gay" for no reason other than to let people know. Not to knock on people that do that, it's just not my thing. I'm sure none of this has helped at all, and I don't really know if it was meant to in the first place or not, like I said my brain is fried from dealing with my first job being customer service for a bank.
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Hanna wrote on 2013-06-09 04:55
Tell only those you truly trust.
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Kaeporo wrote on 2013-06-13 10:53
High School is not a very accepting environment. I wouldn't bother revealing my sexuality to the general public because frankly, it doesn't matter all that much.
Risk/Reward: What do you have to gain from coming out with people who you might not fully trust versus what you have to lose if biased douchebags find out.
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Aubog007 wrote on 2013-06-13 11:00
We have become, as a society, a bit morally bankrupt when it comes to the privacy of others, with facebook and twitter taking the mainstage, it seems people think you have an obligation to tell them what you are doing at all times and everything about yourself because they decided to do so...
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BecomeMeguca wrote on 2013-06-13 11:17
I would honestly avoid it until college where people are more mature. HS people can be biches already and coming out will only add to the burden. Especially in the South. It's not an anti-lie or courage, I think it's avoiding unnecessary bullshit.
In short
HS: coming out will only hurt you. What benefit is there here? Especially in the south.
College: coming out, people will support you assuming it's not some ultra conservative christian college
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Phunkie wrote on 2013-06-14 20:25
If you feel like coming out, judge the consequences of it, and then decide. :)
But you're wonderful for who you are, regardless of what happens or who says anything to you. And what you're even considering doing is really brave. Not everybody has the guts you do.
When I came out as gay in high school, I first told my close friends and they were all cool with it. All my female friends got all excited that we could all finally talk about boys and whatnot, haha. Enjoy your sexuality, enjoy your identity. You are something to be proud of.
Wishing you the best.
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mageisfun wrote on 2013-06-16 18:39
Thanks for all the responses, I'm still not entirely sure what I want to do, I'm thinking of coming out slowly, but I'm making a small step. I discovered a gay-straight alliance type organization in the area, and I'm going to a meeting they are having today.
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Space Pirate Nithiel wrote on 2013-06-18 08:58
Tell no one. People cannot be trusted. Someone you think you can trust enough to tell will definitely betray you and tell others.