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Phunkie wrote on 2014-04-26 01:55
Cliche title, but I speak no lies!
I hold grudges, like harsh ones. Sometimes intently, on purpose. It just keeps dragging me down over time. I think about things that happened years ago and I get so burdened by it still.
It was time to let go. Don't ask me how I did it, but I just did. I decided one day while I was reading about forgiveness that it was time to take an active step in not talking shit about the people who hurt me in the past, no matter how bad it was, and just start trying to understand them better.
We all fuck up. Who hasn't? It's so harder to forgive when you see yourself as the better one, when you place yourself on that "I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO SOMEONE" pedestal. This may sound scandalous, but any of us could find ourselves in any one of those horrible situations we hear about everyday. Any of us.
It's not your fault that people have hurt you. It's not on you. It's also not your burden to carry, it's not your pain to carry. It will hurt, we're not perfect, but it's not your responsibility to keep reminding yourself about something terrible that someone did to you. Forgive 'em, let it go.
People hurt others because of their own hurt that they have inside of them. Isn't that why we do it?
We feel ugly so we don't accept other people's compliments and shrug 'em off. We were devastated with that last break-up, so we couldn't see the beauty in the current person we were dating, so we treated them like shit. Dad beat us because of his own struggle with alcohol, because he didn't feel he could be the man he wanted to be, so he took it out on us. Etc.
It's pain that's the culprit. It's our own hurt.
I stopped talking to a friend recently. We were friends for a long time.
One night, when I wasn't with my boyfriend, we were drinking and he came onto me sexually. He knows my boyfriend, my boyfriend knows him. He knows I'm in a relationship and that this is who I want to give myself fully, this is who I love. I was so hurt. How could my friend not understand and disrespect me like that, or my relationship?? 'That's some sick shit!', I thought.
My old friend has his own boyfriend and they've been together for years now. That same night he came onto me, I learned that his boyfriend hits him. They've also had issues of trust before; his guy tends to go out places and texts other guys behind his back. I don't know.
I was really hurt. It felt like a stab in the back for me having my close friend come onto me sexually like that. It really hurt, I thought he respected me. I began to demonize him and think of him as a low piece of trash that I forgot his humanity, and I forgot to think about what he may be going through that's causing him to act out like this.
I forgave him a week or so ago. I did it for myself. I told him, but I did it for myself. I have no intentions in renewing our old friendship, mainly because I just don't trust him anymore, but I can forgive him.
Feels good.
Forgiving isn't a dumb thing to do. Don't let silly fools drown you out with their cynicism and pessimism. Don't let them drown you out with their own hurt. It takes time, yes, but there's a time for it all in this life.
Choose to forgive.
Love ya'll!
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GODZILLA wrote on 2014-04-26 02:17
I will never forgive King Ghidorah.
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Compass wrote on 2014-04-26 03:29
Quote from GODZILLA;1217165:
I will never forgive King Ghidorah.
How do you feel about Roland Emmerich?
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TLCBonaparte wrote on 2014-04-26 05:45
Quote from Phunkie;1217162:
Cliche title, but I speak no lies!
I hold grudges, like harsh ones. Sometimes intently, on purpose. It just keeps dragging me down over time. I think about things that happened years ago and I get so burdened by it still.
It was time to let go. Don't ask me how I did it, but I just did. I decided one day while I was reading about forgiveness that it was time to take an active step in not talking shit about the people who hurt me in the past, no matter how bad it was, and just start trying to understand them better.
We all fuck up. Who hasn't? It's so harder to forgive when you see yourself as the better one, when you place yourself on that "I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO SOMEONE" pedestal. This may sound scandalous, but any of us could find ourselves in any one of those horrible situations we hear about everyday. Any of us.
It's not your fault that people have hurt you. It's not on you. It's also not your burden to carry, it's not your pain to carry. It will hurt, we're not perfect, but it's not your responsibility to keep reminding yourself about something terrible that someone did to you. Forgive 'em, let it go.
People hurt others because of their own hurt that they have inside of them. Isn't that why we do it?
We feel ugly so we don't accept other people's compliments and shrug 'em off. We were devastated with that last break-up, so we couldn't see the beauty in the current person we were dating, so we treated them like shit. Dad beat us because of his own struggle with alcohol, because he didn't feel he could be the man he wanted to be, so he took it out on us. Etc.
It's pain that's the culprit. It's our own hurt.
I stopped talking to a friend recently. We were friends for a long time.
One night, when I wasn't with my boyfriend, we were drinking and he came onto me sexually. He knows my boyfriend, my boyfriend knows him. He knows I'm in a relationship and that this is who I want to give myself fully, this is who I love. I was so hurt. How could my friend not understand and disrespect me like that, or my relationship?? 'That's some sick shit!', I thought.
My old friend has his own boyfriend and they've been together for years now. That same night he came onto me, I learned that his boyfriend hits him. They've also had issues of trust before; his guy tends to go out places and texts other guys behind his back. I don't know.
I was really hurt. It felt like a stab in the back for me having my close friend come onto me sexually like that. It really hurt, I thought he respected me. I began to demonize him and think of him as a low piece of trash that I forgot his humanity, and I forgot to think about what he may be going through that's causing him to act out like this.
I forgave him a week or so ago. I did it for myself. I told him, but I did it for myself. I have no intentions in renewing our old friendship, mainly because I just don't trust him anymore, but I can forgive him.
Feels good.
Forgiving isn't a dumb thing to do. Don't let silly fools drown you out with their cynicism and pessimism. Don't let them drown you out with their own hurt. It takes time, yes, but there's a time for it all in this life.
Choose to forgive.
Love ya'll!
Good for you man, I know the feeling. Often time we keep waiting for that apology that will never come, people don't realize they can resolve these feeling by just letting go. Forgiveness is hard especially when the hurt is bad, I am glad you manage to do it.
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Aubog007 wrote on 2014-04-27 02:40
I hold grudges very well, forgiving people is extremely hard when you grow up in an environment of backstabbers.
But there are times that i will forgive without an apology, but those are rare.
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Yoorah wrote on 2014-04-27 02:59
Good stuff from you, as always, man! :D I feel much the same way--holding grudges just isn't worth the hassle.
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Aubog007 wrote on 2014-04-27 05:07
Quote from Yoorah;1217284:
Good stuff from you, as always, man! :D I feel much the same way--holding grudges just isn't worth the hassle.
It just comes naturally to me, sometimes i even forget why i have this grudge in the first place, and then i am reminded and go. Oh.
I am very forgetful when it comes to things like these
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Space Pirate Nithiel wrote on 2014-04-27 05:17
I will never forgive my enemies until I have their heads on a pike to display my triumph to the world. If I claim to forgive them it is simply a ploy to get close enough to them to enact my revenge.
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Mentosftw wrote on 2014-04-27 06:16
And that concludes "Phunkie Moment", brought to you by our sponsors Mabination, tune in next month for the next installment and until then,
Love ya'll!
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Kyishi wrote on 2014-04-27 18:53
this is like the most petty reason to hold a grudge on someone wtf.
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Phunkie wrote on 2014-04-27 19:00
Quote from Kyishi;1217348:
this is like the most petty reason to hold a grudge on someone wtf.
Well, you don't know how I think, nor do you know how I was raised and you also don't know what I consider to be difficult or not, so haha, what's petty to you could be challenging for me. Do you not agree?
I just value my friendships. Imagine your best friend coming onto you sexually, fully knowing how invested you are into your own relationship. That's the real WTF here. But it's all in the past now.
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Yoorah wrote on 2014-04-27 19:37
She's just not that invested into her relationships. o/
(And is trying to be an internet-badass trolling your thread!)
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SlurpTASTY wrote on 2014-04-27 19:44
kishi getting turnt up
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Kyishi wrote on 2014-04-27 19:50
More like, demonizing someone as "low-life trash" and throwing them away for coming onto you sexually 1 time while they were drunk, in the grand scheme of things, seems a bit silly IMO. I feel more bad for the guy to be treated like such a scum bag for making such a tiny mistake.
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TLCBonaparte wrote on 2014-04-27 20:02
Quote from Kyishi;1217357:
More like, demonizing someone as "low-life trash" and throwing them away for coming onto you sexually 1 time while they were drunk, in the grand scheme of things, seems a bit silly IMO. I feel more bad for the guy to be treated like such a scum bag for making such a tiny mistake.
It's something personal, not for us to judge. Why celebrates forgiveness with more bad feelings? This is not helping.