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Milk wrote on 2012-05-17 19:04
[SPOILER="Spoiler"][video=youtube;imZ52DHBtug]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imZ52DHBtug[/video][/SPOILER]
The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.
I just have to ask why the hell do people still do it? I mean people are already living together having sex and what not so I don't see why people are waltzing into a binding agreement together labeled marriage while holding none of the commitment. Reminds me of that movie "He's just not that into you." where this chick has been living together with this guy for like over 7 years and she is wondering carving for him to marry her. I'm like... what's the difference? I think that if people who are already lived together and have already been sleeping together for that long then there is no point for marriage. Other than just putting some fancy label over your relationship marriage does not add anything towards that relationship after all is said and done. I seriously don't see what the big deal is for marriages that happen outside of what religion says it to be. I remember being told how marriage was this beautiful thing where two people made who loved each other make the choice to share the rest of their lives together until the very end. Maybe one of you guys could open my mind and make me see what I'm missing here.
PS: You could bring up the whole marriage and Christianity thing but just keep it respectable or I will lock the thread.
Now I'm not saying that marriages out side of religion don't work in fact, pretty much anybody with a brain would realize that divorce among Christians is just as high if not higher than the divorce rates in America, but you have to realize that there are so many people other there going around with a Christian label who go out there that don't live christian lives.
Personally I think that with the way marriage is being defined in today's day and age, that there is no real reason to get married.
I seriously want to hear your reasons for why you want to get married, I could see it as being a romantic thing where people finally decide to go out into the world and start there new lives together etc.. But if people can already be together with someone, already living under the same roof, already making sacrifices for each other, have sex, and raise children. Then I seriously don't see the point.
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Tropacat wrote on 2012-05-17 19:40
To make wonderful memories with your lover, to show that you willing to spend the rest of your entire life alongside them.
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Himeko wrote on 2012-05-17 19:42
Marriage is whatever you want it to be. It's up to you personally to find your own definition and meaning.
It can be an old tradition from religious roots, it can be for the feeling of security, it can simply be just something you want to experience because you've grown up in a society that's always showed you it's what you do when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.
I personally want to get married and maybe my reasoning is a mixture of a lot of things but I think in the end it comes down to the fact that (now I won't lie to you I'm sure my view point is because of what society has drilled in my head as customs) I just want to experience marriage. Even if the label alone does nothing more than security measures and legal things, I really want to just experience it.
I want to be able to commit to someone for the rest of my life, in something more binding than just doing what married people do, experiencing what I see as a beautiful ceremony and be able to say vows to them and that sort of thing. Marriage is something some people dream about since they were little, perhaps it ties in with childhood dreams as well.
I'm not really sure how to put all my reasons into words, I just see it like this.
I love someone and they love me.
We do everything married couples do and want to spend the rest of our life together.
So lets flip your view point to the other side of the coin and see it like this--
Why not get married?
Why not experience a heartfelt ceremony that you get to share with your family and friends?
Why not take up the opportunity to say your vows to someone, to give them a ring, with a special engraving? (Even though you should always cherish your partner on a daily basis to begin with /referring to vows part)
It's romantic and special and life is short. I don't want to limit my experiences, especially when it comes to customs that I find to be one of the most beautiful things.
It's something you remember for the rest of your life.
It's different for everyone, but I know that's how I feel towards marriage at least :D I will say it should be thought through carefully though and not just jumped into. Really get to know your partner and if you are interested in marriage make sure you're committed to them fully.
[video=youtube;xQVFGdmO5b8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQVFGdmO5b8[/video]
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Cannibal wrote on 2012-05-17 19:44
Quote from Tropacat;866149:
To make wonderful memories with your lover, to show that you willing to spend the rest of your entire life alongside them.
That can be done without marriage.
I imagine a lot of it is religious beliefs, personal preference, etc. Some people still dream of the big day without looking much past that. A lot of people get married soon after they get together, without realizing they hardly know who they're marrying... there are a lot of reasons why.
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Krissyasaur wrote on 2012-05-17 19:48
[SIZE="1"]you cant visit your girlfriend/boyfriend and what not in the hospital unless you're family (in certain situations, i believe. this is also a reason why gays wish to be married)
i /thiiiiink/ it helps with taxes for children as well. i don't honestly know qq mostly everyone in my family hasn't been married ;-;[/SIZE]
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Milk wrote on 2012-05-17 19:53
Quote from Himeko;866150:
[SPOILER="Spoiler"]Marriage is whatever you want it to be. It's up to you personally to find your own definition and meaning.
It can be an old tradition from religious roots, it can be for the feeling of security, it can simply be just something you want to experience because you've grown up in a society that's always showed you it's what you do when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.
I personally want to get married and maybe my reasoning is a mixture of a lot of things but I think in the end it comes down to the fact that (now I won't lie to you I'm sure my view point is because of what society has drilled in my head as customs) I just want to experience marriage. Even if the label alone does nothing more than security measures and legal things, I really want to just experience it.
I want to be able to commit to someone for the rest of my life, in something more binding than just doing what married people do, experiencing what I see as a beautiful ceremony and be able to say vows to them and that sort of thing. Marriage is something some people dream about since they were little, perhaps it ties in with childhood dreams as well.
I'm not really sure how to put all my reasons into words, I just see it like this.
I love someone and they love me.
We do everything married couples do and want to spend the rest of our life together.
So lets flip your view point to the other side of the coin and see it like this--
Why not get married?
Why not experience a heartfelt ceremony that you get to share with your family and friends?
Why not take up the opportunity to say your vows to someone, to give them a ring, with a special engraving? (Even though you should always cherish your partner on a daily basis to begin with /referring to vows part)
It's romantic and special and life is short. I don't want to limit my experiences, especially when it comes to customs that I find to be one of the most beautiful things.
It's something you remember for the rest of your life.
It's different for everyone, but I know that's how I feel towards marriage at least :D I will say it should be thought through carefully though and not just jumped into. Really get to know your partner and if you are interested in marriage make sure you're committed to them fully.
[video=youtube;xQVFGdmO5b8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQVFGdmO5b8[/video]
[/SPOILER]
I guess I can see the doing it for the experience thing but if over half of them "the numbers are still growing" end up in divorces then I dont understand why people who choose to get divorced when someone better comes along, cheat, get tired of living with the person, etc. choose to get married in the first place.
I mean 50% is a huge amount... :/
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Kaeporo wrote on 2012-05-17 19:56
Some people just want to reach the status quo.
The American Dream:
- Have a spouse
- Have 1-3 kids
- Have 1-2 pets
- Own a small home
- Own 1-2 cars
- At least one member has a successful white-collar job
You can then happily perish having done nothing unique with your life.
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Claudia wrote on 2012-05-17 19:59
As you said, marriage is just putting a fancy label on your relationship.
You ask why, I ask why not? If it's just a 'label', then it's not that big of a deal, right? Some people would agree with you, some people don't, and I think that's the couple's business, not anyone else's.
Also, as mentioned, there are a LOT of legal rights married couples have that unmarried couples, partners, and same-sex couples in most states don't have.
I think it's for each couple to decide, and it's not really fair to say, "oh there's no point to marriage," because there's a point to it for a lot of people, and it's different for everyone.
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Cynic wrote on 2012-05-17 20:05
Besides the legal benefits of being married to someone, it's really the sentimental value of it that people crave. Marriage is-- or at-least was seen as sort of the final step between two people.
Marriage is supposed to be "until death do us part", so obviously people are going to see it as the ultimate relationship, even if nothing technically changes.
Even though the value and meaning behind Marriage is beyond low, I personally still see it as something I want to do with the right partner in the future. Of course, I'm not an idiot who's going to go ahead and marry everyone I end up dating for more than a few months, but thankfully there are still a few people who actually value Marriage.
..That aside though, there's obviously the whole "Religious" factor behind it, too. But I'm pretty sure there aren't even that many Religious folk who see Marriage as a strictly Religious experience.
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Milk wrote on 2012-05-17 20:08
Quote from Claudia;866164:
As you said, marriage is just putting a fancy label on your relationship.
You ask why, I ask why not? If it's just a 'label', then it's not that big of a deal, right? Some people would agree with you, some people don't, and I think that's the couple's business, not anyone else's.
Also, as mentioned, there are a LOT of legal rights married couples have that unmarried couples, partners, and same-sex couples in most states don't have.
I think it's for each couple to decide, and it's not really fair to say, "oh there's no point to marriage," because there's a point to it for a lot of people, and it's different for everyone.
Why not? Because if you where to get divorced it would cause a lot more damage in terms of both mental and financial to both sides in the relationship. Divorce also doesn't effect the husband and wife. It also effects the kids, and the family members involved in the relationship. But I guess the same could be said for couples who have gone ahead and done all those things and just decide to break up eventually. The only difference is that the couple who got married is down a couple thousand dollars from the marriage and divorce and one of the sides ends up being screwed with finances (the person that makes the most money.)
Quote from Cynic;866168:
Besides the legal benefits of being married to someone, it's really the sentimental value of it that people crave. Marriage is-- or at-least was seen as sort of the final step between two people.
Marriage is supposed to be "until death do us part", so obviously people are going to see it as the ultimate relationship, even if nothing technically changes.
Even though the value and meaning behind Marriage is beyond low, I personally still see it as something I want to do with the right partner in the future. Of course, I'm not an idiot who's going to go ahead and marry everyone I end up dating for more than a few months, but thankfully there are still a few people who actually value Marriage.
..That aside though, there's obviously the whole "Religious" factor behind it, too. But I'm pretty sure there aren't even that many Religious folk who see Marriage as a strictly Religious experience.
What I'm wondering is when did the words "Till death do us part" change into till i get bored and leave, till I go out and cheat, till i find someone better, till these feelings go away, or till things get to hard for me to stay.
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Himeko wrote on 2012-05-17 20:12
Quote from Milk;866158:
I guess I can see the doing it for the experience thing but if over half of them "the numbers are still growing" end up in divorces then I dont understand why people who choose to get divorced when someone better comes along, cheat, get tired of living with the person, etc. choose to get married in the first place.
I mean 50% is a huge amount... :/
Yea, which is why I personally feel like people shouldn't get married unless they're fully committed and like how you described with relationships, but that's how just personal views and I can't push them onto other people.
But you know, I think you shouldn't in this specific situation let the negativity change your feelings or let it diminish your views of marriage. AND NOTICE I SAID IN THIS
SPECIFIC SITUATION ;; cause I know people are gonna jump on me for that one, you loophole finders you D:
If you want to experience this ceremony with your partner and they want to too, even if its just some society custom, if it holds special meaning to you both then go for it. Don't limit yourself based on how other people treat their partners. You see their treatment of one another in a negative light as well and know that you will hold your own definition with your partner for marriage.
So if you want to get married for whatever the reason may be and fully trust in your decision then I say go for it.
Don't let the negativity of others ruin what could be a positive experience for yourself and the one you love. Besides :D we could use some more committed people like yourself getting married to improve those numbers, rather than seeing them be deterred by it.
But yea rather than focusing on others for this, find your own personal stance and be open with your partner about it. In the end you can't change how others will view marriage or how they will go about it, but you can create your own definition.
It's your life, live it.
oh, and trust in yourself, as cheesy as that sounds, to make the right choices.
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Claudia wrote on 2012-05-17 20:12
But a relationship isn't all about the money; or at least, it shouldn't be.
I also don't agree that a divorce would cause more harm and emotional damage to a relationship, because it's almost as if you're saying ending a relationship that's just as serious as a marriage DOESN'T cause any harm.
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Cynic wrote on 2012-05-17 20:15
I wish I could say, but I doubt I'll ever get into a situation during which time I'd be an asshole and end up leaving my partner for a dumb reason.
I personally don't think that Marriage is "til death do us part", but rather "til we find a legit reason to end our Marriage"; i.e. something happens that neither of you expected to ever happen in contrast to one (or both) of them just being assholes and getting a divorce after a year.
In my opinion, you shouldn't get Married unless you intend on being together for at-least a decade (though I think 20-30 years is ideal). But if something bad happens that neither of you expected to happen.. well, what can you really do but roll with it?
Nothing lasts forever, but I believe that as long as things can work for a certain amount of time, then Marriage still has value.
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Milk wrote on 2012-05-17 20:18
Quote from Himeko;866171:
Yea, which is why I personally feel like people shouldn't get married unless they're fully committed and like how you described with relationships, but that's how just personal views and I can't push them onto other people.
But you know, I think you shouldn't in this specific situation let the negativity change your feelings or let it diminish your views of marriage. AND NOTICE I SAID IN THIS SPECIFIC SITUATION ;; cause I know people are gonna jump on me for that one, you loophole finders you D:
If you want to experience this ceremony with your partner and they want to too, even if its just some society custom, if it holds special meaning to you both then go for it. Don't limit yourself based on how other people treat their partners. You see their treatment of one another in a negative light as well and know that you will hold your own definition with your partner for marriage.
So if you want to get married for whatever the reason may be and fully trust in your decision then I say go for it.
Don't let the negativity of others ruin what could be a positive experience for yourself and the one you love. Besides :D we could use some more committed people like yourself getting married to improve those numbers, rather than seeing them be deterred by it.
But yea rather than focusing on others for this, find your own personal stance and be open with your partner about it. In the end you can't change how others will view marriage or how they will go about it, but you can create your own definition.
It's your life, live it.
oh, and trust in yourself, as cheesy as that sounds, to make the right choices.
No worries I still have high hopes of one day finding "the one". /neo.jpg
But I'm just greatly disappointed in how rapidly divorce rates have gone up in the past 25 years.
People need to either make their minds up before getting married or like redefine what marriage means to them.
It's like if a doctor was preforming surgery on a patient and half way into it when it gets to the hard part he goes "fuck this shit, this is to fucking hard" and leaves the room.
Quote from Claudia;866172:
But a relationship isn't all about the money; or at least, it shouldn't be.
I also don't agree that a divorce would cause more harm and emotional damage to a relationship, because it's almost as if you're saying ending a relationship that's just as serious as a marriage DOESN'T cause any harm.
I said that it effected both in the same way besides the money thing. (sorry if i worded it weird)
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Himeko wrote on 2012-05-17 20:27
Quote from Milk;866175:
No worries I still have high hopes of one day finding "the one". /neo.jpg
But I'm just greatly disappointed in how rapidly divorce rates have gone up in the past 25 years.
People need to either make their minds up before getting married or like redefine what marriage means to them.
It's like if a doctor was preforming surgery on a patient and half way into it when it gets to the hard part he goes "fuck this shit, this is to fucking hard" and leaves the room.
Yea T__T I can totally understand these feelings and understand where you're coming from.
I'm surprised I have such a positive view towards marriage actually, because when my mother's first marriage was falling apart she had an affair with someone.
The result?
/points to self ;;